The four fabulous ladies who comprised the Spice Girls and Victoria Beckham announced today that a musical is in the works based on their songs and rise to fame as a pop band in the 1990s. Called “Viva Forever,” the musical won’t open until Dec. 11 at Piccadilly Theatre in London. One can only speculate what dramatized tales of struggle, girl power and show biz await. Four plotlines I have my fingers crossed the musical includes:
1) Posh Spice’s sexy soccer playing husband shocks everyone and leaves her for Gavin Rossdale from Bush. In a moving scene of shared heartbreak and loss, Posh and guest star Gwen Stefani duet a slowed-down version of “Who Do You Think You Are” (arrangement by Duncan Sheik). Billy Corgan does an interpretive dance to the duet in all major cities on the “Viva Forever” tour.
2) Ginger Spice is almost ousted from the Spice Girls because her Cockney accent is so thick no one can understand her. In a montage worthy of “The King’s Speech,” Ginger defies all odds and tells the soon-to-be-fired manager in perfectly articulated form that he (or she... this is the '90s) can kiss her "arse." A beautiful soliloquy follows. Girl power!
3) In a tragic twist of fate, Sporty Spice snaps her ankle while dancing to “2 Become 1” at rehearsal, preventing her from doing all the super sporty things she did in her spare time (so sad!). The Spice Girls successfully lead a campaign to ban all platform tennis shoes from England. They soon learn, though, that Baby Spice has a secret addiction to the shoes and runs an underground and deadly platform tennis shoes black market. Rock stars, man.
4) All of the above never happens and it’s just two hours of “Wannabe” on repeat.