Sensory Overload

The 10 best name suggestions so far from NBA to Columbus

Posted by Chris DeVille | August 09, 2012 12:54 PM

 

NBA to Columbus is a campaign aiming to bring an NBA basketball team to this city. They've presented a simple demographic argument for why Columbus would be a good fit (an argument that conveniently ignores the Ohio State Buckeyes) and are accepting submissions for team names and logos. While the art submissions have been a slow trickle so far, the names are pouring in. There's a preponderance of suggestions related to weather (Storm, Tornadoes), Christopher Columbus (Conquistadores, Colonizers, Pioneers) and prior Columbus sports franchises of the hoops persuasion (Horizon, Quest) and otherwise (Jets, Chill). But those names kind of suck. Here are my 10 favorite, with no regard for viability and all regard for comedy.

(10) Salty Caramels: Genius satire on a level I'm not sure I can explain.

(9) The Knights of Columbus: The court battle between the NBA and the centuries-old Catholic organization would be as entertaining as the games.

(8) Columbus Kings: Ahem!

(7) Ohio Players: Sentimental AND funny. Speaking of music...

(6) Columbus Drakes: I assume this is a reference to Drake Union, but I'm going to enjoy picturing a Columbus basketball franchise dedicated to the world-conquering Toronto rapper. Imagine the variations on "YOLO!" the cheering section could deploy.

(5) Columbus Construction: The truth hurts, part 1.

(4) Columbus Grey Skies: The truth hurts, part 2.

(3) Columbus Hardwood: Because middle school humor will never die.

(2) Columbus Toast Enjoyers: The truth hurts, part 3.

(1) The Wexner Basketball Team at Columbus: Too real to be real.

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