To be fair, the 2009 edition of Friday the 13th isn't a remake but a revamping, especially since the film opens with a quick flashback that makes it decapitatingly clear that Mrs. Voorhees is not behind the initial set of killings.

To be fair, the 2009 edition of Friday the 13th isn't a remake but a revamping, especially since the film opens with a quick flashback that makes it decapitatingly clear that Mrs. Voorhees is not behind the initial set of killings.

That's not a compliment. At least a faithful remake would have an excuse for being a composite of every slasher movie cliche imaginable.

The "teenagers" - they're supposed to be in college, but even that's a stretch for a few cast members - run the gamut from sex-obsessed, drug-addicted and/or angry white males to sex-obsessed, often-topless white females, with a couple of token minorities and sweet-natured innocents thrown in.

Trent (Travis Van Winkle) has invited a few friends up to his parents' luxurious house at Crystal Lake. The group runs into Clay (Jared Padalecki), who is looking for his missing sister Whitney (Amanda Righetti). Following the surprisingly bland prerequisite sinning, the group starts to get picked off by resident homicidal killer Jason, in much the same way it's happened in every other Friday the 13th installment.

It almost plays as a Scream-like satire, but it's far too stupid to be that clever. Absolutely nothing about it is the least bit interesting or entertaining. For a movie overflowing with nudity and violence, that would be an impressive feat, if it weren't so completely pathetic.