As something of a celebrity, it is my privilege to deal with a group of people known as the paparazzi. They photograph me in any number of situations; walking down the street, buying beer for high school kids or burning down a building to get insurance money.

As something of a celebrity, it is my privilege to deal with a group of people known as the paparazzi. They photograph me in any number of situations; walking down the street, buying beer for high school kids or burning down a building to get insurance money.

It turns out that whenever I go out the paparazzi are there. Fortunately, there is one person - a patriot, I should call him - who is willing to stand up for me and my ilk.

"If you are a famous person is this country, you can't do anything because people run up and intrude on your life and take your picture ... The right to privacy is a basic constitutional tenant ... We hate those paparazzi. We think they are the scum of the earth," said Bill O'Reilly.

And we're Fox News, so I think we know a little something about scum of the earth, am I right?

But old Bill O'Reilly has got a point here. The individual's right to privacy is constitutionally protected. He said it, and that's why I always said O'Reilly would make a great pro-choice judge. But, like most rights, there is a line.

"So we called the editor of the Columbia Journalism Review, Michael Hoyt, and he wouldn't appear with us. So, our [O'Reilly] Factor producer caught up with him on a bus," O'Reilly said.

Right to privacy! So, to reiterate, if I may: Leave Lindsay Lohan alone, but get Michael Hoyt.

By the way, how is the ignore-the-privacy-rights-of-anyone-who-disagrees-with-Bill-O'Reilly business? Booming.

"We do things few others would dare try. If you don't believe me, take a look back at some of our confrontations," O'Reilly said about his segment called "The O'Reilly Factor: Best Ambushes."

I've got to give it to him: Those were some great ambushes ... of justice! I think my favorite part of the Factor is that they have no trouble reconciling their defense of a celebrity's right to privacy with their intimidation of everyone else.

In the unedited transition from the bus ambush of Hoyt, O'Reilly follows with this: "As we've stated, somebody is going to get hurt physically by these vicious paparazzi unless new laws are put into place to protect the privacy of Americans."

You were just on a bus getting a guy with a camera. The guy that you got on a bus, he's an American!

Coming up on the Factor, cognitive dissonance and why I don't experience it.

I'll tell you what I would be really interested to see: If the people who O'Reilly believes deserve protection, people like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, were to offend O'Reilly in some way.

What did O'Reilly do when Jolie reportedly banned Fox News from the coverage of her movie? I wonder what the governing principle was?

Of course, it was to send a camera and reporter to hound her about the rumor with the rest of the paparazzi. He must really want that story to sit around with all that scum.

For those of you at home that are studying law, American's right to privacy is less than O'Reilly's need to know.

So, the next time you're caught going through your ex-girlfriend's garbage and the police come to take you away, just tell them old Bill O'Reilly sent you because she wouldn't go on his show.