The Alive Staff compiles the 130 most annoying things about life in Columbus
130. Complaining about minor annoyances in a restaurant to get a free meal
129. Door-to-door petitioners
"Do you have a minute for Greenpeace?"
"Nope, but I have three hours for GameCube!"
128. People who walk away as they're asking you how you're doing
127. Excessively cautious driving
126. Indecipherable words that slip through spam filters
If I'm not smart enough to figure out the word, does that make me less intelligent than computer-generated spam?
125. Crappy remakes of classic movies
What's so scary about black and white? Or originality?
124. Taking up two parking spaces
123. Rules against riding your bike through drive-thrus
Real green, Taco Bell. Why don't you require late-night eaters to club baby seals, too?
122. Nextel walkie-talkie phones
Are you on a construction site? I didn't think so.
121. Babies in movie theaters
I didn't pay $9 to hear your kid cry
120. "To leave a voice mail message, press 1 or wait for the tone ... At the tone, please leave your message"
Is anybody actually confused by this concept?
119. TV sports commentary
We didn't have room to give individual Pet-Peeve entries to Skip Bayless, Steven A. Smith and the six-member Fox NFL analysis team. They deserve them.
118. Incorrect carryout food orders
117. Bathroom attendants
Oh, cool, a stick of Wrigley's gum! Wait, you want a dollar?
116. Groups who walk three-across down the sidewalk
These are the inconsiderate people Hannibal Lecter should eat
LMAO. Bc its tot ptless 2 talk in 140 chars or lss
114. Men under the age of 65 who wink
Seriously, Fabio. Give it a rest.
113. Drivers who stop in the middle of the pedestrian crosswalk
112. Excessive cursing
You are not Richard Pryor
111. Girls who wear leggings and pretend they provide the coverage of pants
110. Talking during movies
109. Parking lot "attendants" in the Short North
If we have to deal with you at every lot in the neighborhood, we'd rather walk. Or stay home.
108. Violating personal space at an ATM
107. DVD extras that are only language selections
106. The phrase "I'm not gonna lie, but ..."
Why would you lie? More importantly, why am I listening to you?
105. People who still write checks at the store
104. People who wear sunglasses indoors
103. Jury duty
Welcome to the only government job that pays $3 an hour with no benefits
102. Girls who say "guy friend"
Yeah, we figured your friend Steve is a guy
101. Holding up the line in the grocery store to find your crumpled, outdated coupon
100. Drunks meandering across Park Street
That car is gonna hurt, no matter how loaded you are
99. Hair in the sink
98. Not picking up dog poop at the park
97. Turning in the opposite direction of your turn signal
96. Pop songs on answering machines
You're not a music producer. You're just some dude eating dinner.
95. Street preachers
94. Conspiracy theories
93. Celebrity baby names
Apple. Blanket. Bronx Mowgli. Jermajesty. There are others.
92. Throwing food wrappers out of your car
91. Inscrutable vanity plates
You paid all that extra money for a message no one can figure out
90. Restaurant kitchens that close before last call
89. Yelling "Free Bird" at concerts
88. Getting a cab in Columbus
Don't leave your "taxi" light on when you have passengers. It only gets our hopes up.
87. People who rewind plays on "Madden NFL"
Oh really, you pressed those buttons and that happened?
86. People who put on sneakers to walk from their office to the parking garage
85. Babies or animals talking through CGI
84. Getting a ticket for jaywalking
83. Gum smacking/popping/explosions
82. Using multiple exclamation marks to communicate awe, wonder and excitement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
81. Wobbly tables and stools
80. Ohio liquor laws
79. Wasting food
78. Drivers who tap their brakes every five seconds
Wait, do I turn here? Here? Is it here?
77. Chewing too loudly
75. The Home Shopping Network
The average person in the United States has $5,729 in credit-card debt. It's now immoral to hock 60-piece grooming kits to those who don't leave their houses.
74. Honor-roll bumper stickers
73. Football parking restrictions
72. People who stop to chat in the grocery store, with their carts blocking the aisle
71. Giving your coat its own chair in the movie theater
70. Losing BCS games
69. Needless abbrv.
68. Higher parking ticket rates
67. CD packaging
You can squeeze 700 megabytes of info onto a one-ounce slab of plastic, but you can't make it easy to open?
66. People who drive faster than the already-speeding drivers in the fast lane and insist on pushing them down the highway
65. Automated voicemail systems that make you say what you want
64. White shoes/black socks
At what age do you stop caring?
63. The city-wide ban on U-turns
62. Misuse of their/they're/their
61. Direct-mail coupons
60. Signs that misuse apostrophes
No, its not one of the best deal's in town
59. Indoor football
After the Steelers, the dome is the worst invention in football history
58. Throwing bottles from moving vehicles
57. Emo hair
A man who uses a flatiron is not a man.
56. People who become golf experts only during the last week of May
55. Not holding the door for someone who clearly needs help with the door
54. Lost drivers in German Village
53. The return of acid-washed jeans
52. Heavy breathing
Especially in bookstores, libraries and public restrooms
51. USING ALL CAPS TO COMMUNICATE
50. North Fourth Street pedestrians
49. Staring at the menu in McDonald's, taking minutes to decide what to get
It's McDonald's. You knew what was on the menu before you could write your own name.
48. People who continue to tell you the same story when you've told them you've heard it before
47. Farting in thrift stores
46. Cell-phone music played while your party is reached
A loud, garbled version of the OSU fight song is not more entertaining than a normal ring
45. Canada geese
They breed in Ohio. They take s--- from no one.
44. Voice-mail menus
43. Crowding grocery check-out line before I've finished unloading my stuff
Please mind the plastic separator
42. People who incessantly use the word "like"
41. Backing into parking spots
If you can back into a parking space, you can back out of one
40. Bad tippers
39. Valets hogging metered parking spots in the Short North
38. Pre-flight safety instructions
This actually involves three separate Pet Peeves: snooty lectures, air travel, and polyester uniforms with unnecessary hats
37. Throwing cigarette butts on the ground
Yes, that is litter
36. 30-minute parking meters
35. People who ask to have some of what you're eating while they're in the process of taking it
34. Holding up a cell phone at concerts
33. Thinking of a really good pet peeve, then forgetting it before you write it down
32. BCS system
31. Faux-slang conflations like "bromance" and "guyliner"
30. People who tweet
29. Putting an empty container back in the fridge
28. Ennui before turning 50
27. Honking to announce your arrival
26. Plopping your feet on the arm rest in front of you in movie theaters
25. Excessive sighing
24. Steelers fans from Ohio
23. Unnecessary quotation "marks"
22. Getting a traffic ticket for running a red light on your bike
21. Anyone who wears lilac sunglasses and a cowboy hat at all times
We're looking at you, Bono
20. Forgetting to get your parking stub validated at the North Market
19. Steltzer Road and International Gateway intersection
The longest red light in America somehow lasts even longer when you're late for your plane
17. People who can't figure out how to use self-checkout
16. Using the qualifier "in these tough economic times" before everything you say
15. Fair-weather fans
14. Name-dropping in Columbus
13. Experiencing life through a camera phone
12. Not using turn signals
11. Single people who hate Valentine's Day
Yeah, it's a little too commercialized. But it's not like Hallmark is sponsoring "Go Beat Up a Volunteer Day."
9. No Downtown Trader Joe's
Hell, we'll settle for a Clintonville Trader Joe's
8. Tourists who stop German Village pedestrians to ask for directions to Schmidt's
Beware of a Mercury full of blue-hairs on Sunday
7. Hearing smack talk from SEC fans, and knowing they're right
6. Seat-back kickers
5. Man sandals
4. COTA's lack of late-night service
On Saturday, the No. 2. stops at 10 p.m. Your tax dollars at work.
3. Red Wings fans at Blue Jackets games
2. Happy hours that end at 7 p.m.
If we got off work earlier, we probably wouldn't need a happy hour
1. Short North parking