Last week I was in my basement lab working on a cure for raccoon flu, because you always have to be one species-flu ahead. That's where the antidote money really is.

Last week I was in my basement lab working on a cure for raccoon flu, because you always have to be one species-flu ahead. That's where the antidote money really is.

You just watch - raccoon flu is going to hit and these squares are still going to be swabbing pig anuses looking for clues while I'm rolling around in raccoon-flu money.

So I'm in my lab and the TV catches my eye, telling me of a "political bombshell" that you could still feel the earth trembling from.

Did they find another treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence? Did the Washington Monument finally consummate its love for the Pentagon? What happened?

Actually, longtime Republican Sen. Arlen Specter left the Republican Party to become a Democrat. Oh. Yeah, that's a biggie.

I guess that means now the Democrats will control the House, the executive branch and, with Al Franken, they will have a filibuster-proof majority in the Senate.

They haven't had that much power since the beginning of Jimmy Carter's presidency, and man ... that went great. That was a juggernaut of progress. I wonder what country's going to take us hostage this time.

People are saying Specter made the switch just to win re-election. That can't be true, right?

"I'm putting principle at the top of the list," Specter said after his announcement.

Of course, principle at the top of the list! Even though Republicans haven't changed their platform in the last 30 or 40 years. I'm excited to see which principle you're talking about.

"I have traveled the state and have found that the prospects for winning a Republican primary are bleak," explained Specter.

Ah, it's the "I would like to remain a senator" principle.

Now, let's head to the losers' locker room for their reaction. We'll start with Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele.

"Sen. Cornyn went out on a line for this man, and for the senator to effectively flip the bird back to Sen. Cornyn and the Republican Senate leadership is just downright rude. I'm sure his mama didn't raise him that way," Steele said.

Oh, no you didn't just bring his mama into this!

Steele was all like, "Specter's mama is so stupid she thinks a pocket veto is an Italian dwarf. Specter's mama's so dumb she thinks Roe v. Wade is two ways to get across a river. Specter's mama is so dumb she thinks cloture is an effective check on a majority's power." When it's actually arguable.

Of course, this story isn't really about politics - it's a story about people, about friendship and betrayal. If there's one man you can turn to when you want to give your story the human touch, it's Karl Rove.

"This happened when Jim Jeffords left the party. Longtime friendships get strained and broken ... when Jeffords left the party he was literally a member of a singing group made up of fellow Republican senators. They disbanded and never sung again," lamented Rove.

That's why the singing senators broken up? I thought it was because Trent Lott was shooting heroin into his penal veins.