President Obama has a lot of critics, and many have taken issue with the hastiness of some of his early decisions, like closing the prison at Guantanamo Bay.

President Obama has a lot of critics, and many have taken issue with the hastiness of some of his early decisions, like closing the prison at Guantanamo Bay.

You may remember the first executive order Obama signed after becoming president - "an order to effect the appropriate disposition of individuals detained by the Department of Defense at Guantanamo, and promptly to close the detention facility," explained Obama.

Gitmo - done and done.

Wait, I seem to remember there being a step two to this process. Oh, right - we forgot the how.

"Is there a separate executive order with respect to how we are going to dispose of the detainees?" Obama asked that first day.

How do we dispose of them? Are they recyclable, or are they perhaps the human equivalent of Styrofoam? Maybe that's why they wear orange.

When detailing what to do with the devils, it turns out the devil is in the details.

One option would be to house the detainees in America. I'm sure any state would be honored to have future generations look back at this moment and say, "In our time of need, it was my state that bore the burden. U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"

But as it turns out, state senator after state senator is delivering the same message - not in my state.

I'm actually starting to feel bad for these detainees. Maybe if they had bigger eyes, like a puppy. Please, won't you help someone like me?

You know what, we'll take them. Bring them to New York, we're not scared. It's all part of a long-standing New York philosophy we like to call, "No, f--- you."

As state Rep. Peter King explained, there are reports that a number of detainees could be brought to the Southern District of New York to stand trial - "literally within walking distance of Ground Zero," he said.

So, when they look out their cell windows and see the glimmering hope that is the Freedom Tower ... oh wait, construction on that hasn't even started yet. I guess that's not the best place, then.

Look man, the United States is really good at imprisoning people. We've already held Tim McVeigh, the Unabomber, the Blind Shiekh, even brain-eating zombie Joseph Garner. Why can't we handle this?

"These are the worst of the worst, the most dangerous people, and I don't think they should be brought here," said Arizona Rep. John Shadegg.

Yeah, the worst of the worst people. They're not warlocks. For God's sake, look where we're keeping them now. Gitmo - they threw that thing up in two weeks.

It looks like it's made of crap they found on the island. It's a glorified Home Depot gazebo kit. You're telling me we can't beat that? Let's throw their asses in the maximum-security prison at Forth Leavenworth!

"Leavenworth, where we educate all future Army officers?" asked Kansas Sen. Pat Roberts. "You think Army officers want to study at Fort Leavenworth if terrorists are there?"

But that's what they're studying! They're not going to be their lab partners.

They're in the Army. If things go according to plan, they are probably going to cross paths with terrorists.