Last week, President Barack Obama embarked on a diplomatic mission to the Middle East to fulfill a promise made two years ago that if he were elected president, he would deliver a major address in a Muslim capital.

Last week, President Barack Obama embarked on a diplomatic mission to the Middle East to fulfill a promise made two years ago that if he were elected president, he would deliver a major address in a Muslim capital.

Of course, most people forget he also promised that if he were not elected, he would run naked through a Chuck E. Cheese. It's what's known as a win-win.

Before arriving in Cairo to deliver his address, the president stopped off in Saudi Arabia, where they pulled out all the stops - a red carpet, the famed sheik waterfall and a personal welcome by all the villains from every Leslie Neilsen movie.

President Obama was then given one of the highest honors a Saudi kingdom can bestow on a valued customer - the Palm de Gas Cap, in recognition of America's 10 trillionth fill-up.

Of course, the opulence of the ceremony was not lost on the commentators.

"The two sat in gilded chairs. They sipped coffee from Arabia," reported Fox News.

Wow, coffee from Arabia. They imported exotic coffee all the way from where they are.

On to the main event, the president's speech in Egypt. This speech was a delicate proposition.

The president had to balance respect for a region that too often feels lectured to by American presidents interested only in their resources, while also remembering he has an audience in his home country mistrustful of the violence and violent anti-American rhetoric that the region also produces.

All while trying not to freak out the 20 to 25 percent of Americans who believe Obama was born in Kenya, raised in a madrasah and is actually reporting back to his home office.

Here's how he opens: "As Salaam alaykum."

Nooo!

Well, alright, that's fine. A lot of politicians like to open with some local flavor. Let's see what he follows up with.

"Islamic culture has given us majestic arches and soaring spires ... our magnetic compass and tools of navigation ... our mastery of pens and printing. There was innovation in Muslim communities that developed the order of algebra," Obama said.

Yay, Muslim countries, thank you so much for algebra!

Yes, Islam invented algebra and mono and braces. And, apparently, the concept of being grounded and everything else that tortures adolescents. And you're worried about us radicalizing your young people.

His speech went on to tackle the 9/11 attacks, anti-Semitism in Europe, Palestinian violence and women's rights.

So, a provocative speech from the president delivered in the heart of a Middle East capital. How will it play with the extremists? Here are a few clips from the post-speech coverage on Fox News:

"Did President Obama just throw our intel community under the bus in that speech? ... Is it only me who thought the release of the audio of Osama bin Laden is just so extremely significant here? Because if you're trying to reach the radical members of Islam, you haven't."

Psst, Fox News, he's not trying to reach the radical members of Islam. Those are the people he's trying to push aside.

What a torture it must be for such pretty people to have to see such ugly things. That's what happens when you see the world - and, apparently, hear the world - through crap-colored glasses.