It's hard to believe how good this monster tastes even though it's overstuffed like a birthday pinata.

Heavyweight Champs

Now it's time to plunge into deeply deranged country. Calling these unwieldy, two-ton behemoths "kitchen sinkers" does not account for the actual amount of plumbing that went into them - or that you'll need in order to try digesting them. These go around the bend, over the top, back down and then up again. Excess is their raison d'etre.

Well, that and a supernova explosion of layered flavors and textures. Paraphrasing a catchphrase: these two taste great and are way more filling. With these, size does matter, but so does eye-rolling, hand-slamming, foot-stomping, "look-what-you're-doing-to-me," sandwich-making genius. I dare anyone to eat these alone.

Torta Cubana ($14)

La Michoacana

It's hard to believe how good this monster tastes even though it's overstuffed like a birthday pinata.

It's got fresh-baked, buttered and grill-toasted Mexican bread outrageously stacked with refried beans; grilled ham; thinly pounded, breaded, fried chicken; thinly pounded, breaded, fried beef; a mass of chorizo and scrambled eggs; good melted Mexican cheese; sour cream; mayonnaise; lettuce; tomato; avocado; and sometimes bacon, bologna and/or griddled hot dogs. I am not kidding.