Much of the debate over the economy is centered on which of President Obama's stimulus provisions have actually stimulated, and which have consigned our children and grandchildren to a lifetime of forced labor camps and roadkill chili.

Much of the debate over the economy is centered on which of President Obama's stimulus provisions have actually stimulated, and which have consigned our children and grandchildren to a lifetime of forced labor camps and roadkill chili.

Mmmm, possum.

But the wildly popular Cash for Clunkers program may be working a little too well. It resulted in 250,000 new cars being bought in just one week.

"It's working so well, it shows, I guess, the American consumer is not dead," reported CNN. "It looks like Ford is going to have its first sales gain in two years because of this."

Fox News added, "Some auto dealers would be worried about too much business."

Wow, a government-designed stimulus program that's working!

So people trade in their old cars and get up to $4,500 towards the purchase of newer, more fuel-efficient cars. I just figured out how to solve Medicare, too - Greenbacks for Grannies. Sorry, Grandma, but New Grandma can speed walk.

So, I guess Cash for Clunkers is a win-win. You'd be hard-pressed to find something negative to say about it.

"This was supposed to last 90 days, but it went bust in a week," Fox News reported. "The Cash for Clunkers program caught on with so many, so fast, now they are so out of cash."

It's too effective! It's the Axe body spray of government programs. Sure, I want women to find me attractive, but I'm not looking to get gang raped in the elevator.

And it's not just that it's too effective, it's that it's wasteful spending. Right, people who supported the seemingly endless trillion-dollar Iraqi morass?

"We can have a program to pay people to buy TVs and a program to pay people to buy lumber," said Rep. Jeb Hensarling, R-Texas, as the House debated adding an additional $2 billion to the program. "Maybe we should have a Cash for Cluckers and pay people to eat chicken."

Hey, how about this - money you give people who can't pass tests is "Cash for Flunkers," or money you give people who explore caves is "Cash for Spelunkers." And money for people with really large asses is "Cash for Badonkadonkers."

So, Cash for Clunkers is a part of the stimulus package with tangible results. It's like an EpiPen to the heart of Detroit's red-ink overdose.

GM is reporting a 55 percent sales spike in fuel-efficient cars since the program began. A quarter-million cars with poor emissions standards are off the roads, and truck nuts are finally surpassing beer nuts in sales.

I bet Congress is going to be hearing some high praise when they're out visiting the people.

"You want us to believe that a government that can't even run a Cash for Clunkers program is going to run one-seventh of our U.S. economy? No, sir," said an angry woman attending a town hall meeting in Philadelphia.

Does every town in America have one of those ladies, or has that lady been going around to every town?

This tyranny will not stand! Now, can I have a ride to the bus station? I have a school board meeting to disrupt in Akron.