President Barack Obama held a town hall meeting in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, on Aug. 11 to explain why he is destroying everything we hold dear in this country. I'll let one of the 24-hour news networks set the scene.

President Barack Obama held a town hall meeting in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, on Aug. 11 to explain why he is destroying everything we hold dear in this country. I'll let one of the 24-hour news networks set the scene.

"Things are peaceful. There are perhaps several thousand people here ... with people for health-care reform on one side and people against it on the other side," said MSNBC's Ron Allen. "Things are very, very orderly, but let me clear up one thing: There is a man in the crowd who has a gun, a handgun, strapped on his lower leg."

Wait - there's a guy with a gun?! Shouldn't that be the lead?

You don't come in with, "There's a nice crowd at the high school on a beautiful day here in New Hampshire, whose nickname is the Granite State. And by the way, there's a guy with a gun."

Where'd you graduate from, the University of Backwards?

So there's an armed civilian standing outside and God only knows what mayhem awaiting the president on the inside.

Actually, things went pretty smoothly at first, with Obama's supporters swooning.

All the president had to do was find a simple way to explain to people that government programs can work pretty well, yet not threaten the solvency of the private companies that they're competing against.

"People say, Well, how can a private company compete against the government?" Obama asked. "If you think about it, UPS and FedEx are doing just fine. It's the post office that's always having problems."

OK, that was close. Except for the part where you took a dump on the post office, which the government runs. That's really not a good lead-in for government-run health care. Next time I would try, "The post office is great, but that doesn't mean there isn't room for FedEx and UPS." Of course, I'm not the most gifted orator of our time.

This was a town hall, though, so it's really all about righteous anger. As Fox News promised, "We are monitoring this live ... any contentious questions, anybody yelling, we'll bring it to you right here on the live desk."

Because we only report the news that conforms to the narrative we've worked so hard to construct.

By the way, if you ever wonder what happens to those people who lose it at those meetings, they go right from the town hall to the local television studio, where they become our nation's latest experts on health-care reform.

One woman at Arlen Specter's latest death match asked such an emotionally charged question that she became Sean Hannity's new Joe the Plumber.

"This is about the systematic dismantling of this country ... I don't want this country turning into Russia, turning into a socialized country," said Katy Abram.

OK, good for you, I think that's a completely hyperbolic fear, but at least you got to voice your question to your senator in a calm, rational way. You can't ask for more than that.

Later, on Hannity's America, Abram was asked if she was happy with the answer she received.

"Honestly, after I asked the question ... I didn't hear half of what he said," Abram said.

Great, welcome to Fox! Can you start on Monday?