We tend to believe that with their "fair and balanced" slogan and tendency to go after political opponents through passive-aggressive wonderment - a la "isn't it interesting that Obama gave a speech in Berlin? You know, Hitler used to speak in Berlin" - Fox News may be a tad disingenuous.

We tend to believe that with their "fair and balanced" slogan and tendency to go after political opponents through passive-aggressive wonderment - a la "isn't it interesting that Obama gave a speech in Berlin? You know, Hitler used to speak in Berlin" - Fox News may be a tad disingenuous.

Now, I believe Gretchen Carlson may be another example of this. On Fox & Friends, she plays the troubled mom who's just trying to make sense of this crazy modern country we've got. Like when Hugo Chavez referred to Obama as an ignoramus.

"I just wanted to see how much of an insult it was to be called an ignoramus," Carlson said. "Since I didn't know what it meant, I just Googled it. For all of you out there who didn't know what ignoramus is, like me, it's an ignorant lawyer. We all know Barack Obama is a lawyer."

I'm no fan of Chavez, but Obama IS a lawyer.

Of course, all that talk about money and business just confuses the heck out of the old girl.

"For the first time, the president is warning of a double-dip recession. Now, if you're like me, you're wondering what exactly does that mean? Here's what it is - apparently, it's when you have a recession followed by a short-lived recovery, followed by another recession," Carlson said.

So, it turns out that the double-dip doesn't mean Obama is taking us all out for ice cream, but leading the country to an economic disaster.

And God forbid all these czars we hear about Obama appointing. You know, the ones that never seemed to bother anyone when they were appointed during the Bush years.

"When I looked up czar in the dictionary, or Googled it, the word that came up was "king," and I was wondering to myself, why we are having so many czars-slash-kings now in America?" said Carlson.

Alright, look, I'll give you double-dip recession, but czar?! You didn't know what a czar was? How do you get a job on television if you appear to be one of those people who need to pin their address to their coat so a stranger can help them find their way home?

Unless you're just dumbing yourself down to connect with an audience that you think sees intellect as an elitist flaw.

That'd be easy to check, so I Googled Gretchen Carlson, and guess what came up? She was valedictorian of her high school and went to Stanford, and graduated with honors, and spent time studying abroad at Oxford - and not the Mississippi Oxford, the Europe one.

Not to mention, she won the Miss America crown in 1989 by playing a classical violin rendition of Sarasate's "Zigeunerweisen." Of course, if she entered today, she'd probably just dress up like Raggedy Ann and sing "My Funny Valentine."

All I'm saying is, Gretchen, baby, come back. You don't have to stash your IQ in an offshore account. Just because you're on the couch with Jack Tripper and Janet doesn't mean you have to pretend to be Chrissy.

I don't want to have to turn you on tomorrow and see you're surprised that the interior secretary actually is in charge of the "outside stuff."