Taste Test: Domino's New Pizza

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From the Taste Test: Domino's New Pizza edition
Over the weekend, while watching NFL football, I was absolutely floored by a new commercial.

In it, a huge and ubiquitous corporate American food institution, which began back in 1960, went ahead and openly, shockingly admitted that people didn't necessarily care for its famous product. So there on the television screen were alleged head chefs of this company surprisingly acknowledging that consumers thought their pizza had a cardboard-like crust and a sauce that tasted like ketchup.

As the ad went on to trumpet the chain's reportedly completely made-over prime comestible, I figured the stunning honesty of the commercial was so refreshing that I'd give its revamped form of junk food another shot - even though I was definitely one of those who thought their old stuff sucked.

What I tried: Domino's New Pizza ($5.99 each for two, two-topping mediums)

A whole new pie after half a century: When I went to pick up my pizzas, I noticed the box tops were crammed with a bunch of ad copy. They said things like, "It's a completely new pizza from the crust up" and "It's taken us 50 years to create a pizza of this perfectitude."

I also noticed that the boxes were emitting sharp and pungent aromas. At home, I opened up the boxes and was somewhat put off by the deep, dark and vast greasy stains spreading out beneath the pizzas. Here's what I tasted. {arrows pointing to piece of pizza)

The Cheese: The box says it's now made with "100% real mozzarella" - which begs the question: "What the hell were they using before?" Anyway, this cheese seemed fine, like, well, actual cheese. It wasn't over-applied and was decently browned. Call it not distracting.

The Sauce: Not that bad. It was tomato-pastey, with occasional but not harmoniously distributed bites of oregano and spicy red chili flakes. Call it a definite improvement over ketchupy sauce.

The Crust: Flabby instead of cardboard-like, but fairly nondescript except for the edges, which were puffy and obviously swabbed with an overpoweringly garlic-powder-laden, highly oily agent. I found these edges to have an unpleasant, artificial and long-lasting bad aftertaste that took a big slug of straight whiskey to finally - almost - wash away. Call this new crust yucky.

Would I eat it again?: Nah, but after another 50 years passes by, maybe I'll try them again then to see if they've got that "perfectitude" thing perfectituded yet.

Spot a new menu item you'd like Taste Test to try? E-mail gbenton@columbusalive.com