Economic instability is still a big concern, but the solution to your money woes may be easier than you think.

Economic instability is still a big concern, but the solution to your money woes may be easier than you think.

The price of gold was at an all-time high this month, "hovering around $1,000 an ounce," reported Fox News' Glenn Beck.

Supposedly, the price of gold goes up when people are panicked or concerned. I wonder what's fanning the flames of that panic and concern? Could it be Beck himself? Here are a few snippets from his recent Fox News appearances:

"America is burning down to the ground ... our very country is at stake," Beck has said. "Here are the three scenarios that we could be facing - recession, depression or collapse."

Now, Mr. Beck is certainly allowed to use his nightly forum on a respected news network to express all measure of fear, doubt, confusion, paranoia, etc., that he may be feeling. And those feelings may in turn fuel some kind of "gold rush," but it's not like the guy has a vested interest in this. It's not like he's a paid spokesman for gold.

He's actually just a paid spokesperson for Goldline - an internet site where you buy gold.

This is kind of a nice little feedback loop. Glenn Beck is paid by Goldline to drum up interest in gold, which increases in value during times of fear - an emotion reinforced nightly on Fox News by Glenn Beck. Alright, I'm almost sold. Fox is vouching for Beck and Beck is vouching for gold - close the deal!

"Call Goldline, study it out [and] pray on it," Beck suggests on his infomercial.

Because you can't spell gold without G-O-D.

It's What's for Dinner

Throughout man's existence, we've always pushed forward, striven for more.

It's in our nature - man was cold, he discovered fire. Restless, he conquered the new world. We saw lights twinkling in the heavens above, so we sent rocket ships to the moon.

Which brings us to today, when we stand on the brink of perhaps our greatest achievement yet.

"The future of food could be found in laboratories," reported Scott Jones of Fox 59 Indianapolis. "Scientists say they developed an artificial meat.

This is the best thing science has ever done for us - in your face, penicillin! We have finally created artificial meat.

Do you know what that means? I owe Spam an apology. It's actually real meat! I always thought it was, like, circus peanuts and gravy.

Alright, I'm prepared to have my taste buds tantalized. How did they make this lab-grown wondermeat?

It turns out Dutch scientists used pig stem cells to grow new muscle tissue in a Petri dish, giving an alternative to eating other living creatures without having to sacrifice on taste.

It's my two favorite things for dinner - pork and science. But the proof is in the pudding. Let's have our first Zagat review.

"Current versions have the consistency of soggy pork," Jones said.

Soggy pork? Is there any way you could make that sound less appealing? You know how a wet dog smells? It tastes like that.

As appealing as soggy pork sounds, scientists say it will be at least five years until the meat is suitable for sausage.

To be clear: this meat, while totally great, is not yet good enough for sausage. It's five years away from being anus-grade pork.