A lot of people are grossed out by KFC's latest menu item, advertised as a sandwich so meaty there's no room for bread.

A lot of people are grossed out by KFC's latest menu item, advertised as a sandwich so meaty there's no room for bread.

In theory, I have no objection to the prospect of two slabs of chicken sandwiching Monterey jack cheese, bacon and special "Colonel's Sauce." Actually, in theory, that sounds delicious. So I decided to give the 540-calorie monstrosity a chance.

My optimism was misplaced.

What I tried: KFC Double Down sandwich ($5)

The approach: The Double Down is served in a box like a Big Mac or Whopper, perhaps in an attempt to remind you that this is, in fact, a sandwich, not the heaping food pile it appears to be. I pulled it out of the box, examined it from all angles, and took my first bite.

Chicken: I mentioned that I'm all for a sandwich like this in theory, but an ambitious product like the Double Down demands execution. No such luck with the Original Recipe chicken fillets, which were maddeningly inconsistent in texture (poor chew/gnaw ratio) and sickeningly salty. The deeper I dug in, the more my stomach threatened to reject this stuff. Maybe I should have gone with Grilled.

Cheese: The Monterey jack slices might as well be Kraft singles. If you're hoping for a flavor explosion, you're out of luck.

Sauce: Not sure how the Colonel would feel about having this vaguely honey mustard-esque condiment attributed to him. It's sweet and tangy, but it also stirred up that "vomit threatening to emerge" sensation in my throat, which lent a lot of credence to my friend Pat's joke that they call it the Double Down because you can eat it a second time after you puke it up.

Bacon: At times I could barely tell the two bacon strips were in there, but the more I recoiled at the chicken, the more I looked to that bacon as this sandwich's saving grace. Unfortunately, this sandwich has no saving grace. It is irreparably damned to sandwich hell.

Would I eat it again? No way. Next time somebody suggests KFC, double back.