As we reached the two-month mark of the siege on the Gulf of Mexico, Congress had the chance to take out its pent-up anger on the ruddy hide of BP CEO Tony Hayward.

As we reached the two-month mark of the siege on the Gulf of Mexico, Congress had the chance to take out its pent-up anger on the ruddy hide of BP CEO Tony Hayward.

But before they did that, the CEOs from the other oil companies took to Capitol Hill to answer the question: "Gosh, would you guys have done this?"

I wonder what they said?

"It's not a well that we would have drilled with that mechanical setup," said Shell president Marvin Odum.

We only use state-of-the-art , self-healing wells drilled with love.

The good news is those oil companies have contingency plans in the unlikely event of a spill. Want to know the bad news? They all have virtually identical plans as BP.

These companies all cut-and-pasted boilerplate oil spill contingency plans. It doesn't mean they were negligent. It doesn't mean they haven't been paying the fullest attention to the creation and maintenance of said plans.

Or does it?

Several of the plans include an emergency contact for a Dr. Peter Lutz, a marine biologist. Seems like a good idea, but the problem is that Dr. Lutz has been dead for five years.

Talk your way out of this one, oil guys.

"The fact that Dr. Lutz died in 2005 does not mean his work and the importance of his work died with him," said ExxonMobil chairman and CEO Rex Tillerson.

Right, but it does mean you can't call him anymore. Much like your Dr. Atkins, you could still use his diet and cut down on carbs, but I wouldn't list him as an emergency contact. He can't come to the phone right now, unless somebody has the power to reanimate him from the dead.

Obviously, there's not much reason for optimism, but BP executives did meet with President Obama and agreed to set up a $20 billion escrow fund to restore the Gulf.

It was a bold move, and the one unassailably good piece of news that's come out of the last two months.

Or was it?

"I'm ashamed of what happened in the White House yesterday," said Texas Rep. Joe Barton. "It's a tragedy of the first proportion that a private corporation can be subjected to what I would characterize as a shakedown."

That's the tragedy here?! You think the tragedy and shame in all of this is that the company that broke the Gulf has to fix it?

It pains me to sit here and see Jeff re y Dahmer remanded to a cubicle. It's a tragedy - an effort by the government to pretend that brains is not delicious.

Would someone make him regret what he said, please?

"I want to begin by disagreeing in the strongest possible terms with Mr. Barton," said Rep. Ed Markey, a Democrat from Massachusetts.

No, the strongest possible terms would have started with this phrase: "Hey, dickwad!"