In the wake of protests seeking Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak's resignation, the big question on everybody's mind is whether what happened in Egypt could happen here.

In the wake of protests seeking Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak's resignation, the big question on everybody's mind is whether what happened in Egypt could happen here.

"I just want to make the point that what's happening in Egypt could happen in America," asserted radio personality Mancow Muller on Mike Huckabee's show.

That's impossible, sir! You are talking about America, the No. 1 country - excluding math scores and infant mortality - in the world. In fact, all of your conservative peeps say so.

"The U.S. is the greatest, best country God has ever given man on the face of the Earth," Sean Hannity said.

"America is great because America is good," Glenn Beck said.

You see, America is the greatest, bestest country in the history of ever, which is why it's so strange that we're tenuously perched on the brink of absolute suck-a-tude.

Conservatives say we could face a debt crisis like Greece or Portugal or Spain. Hell, even wise old Sen. Mitch McConnell says we're turning America into Western Europe.

That's right, turning America into Western Europe. I guess I'm just going to have to get used to riding a moped and smoking Nutella.

Just because both Western Europe and the United States are running deficits doesn't necessarily mean we're turning into them. Having one thing in common with another country doesn't make us the same.

Now that George Bush is out of office, anytime Republicans see a worldwide catastrophe, they immediately think we're next. They've become political hypochondriacs.

And you can trust me on this - I know hypochondriacs; I'm Jewish. By the way, did you know the original name for Purell was Purellowitz?

Clearly the right loves this country and fears for it. The left, of course, loves this country, but they just wish it was a different country.

President Obama couldn't stop talking about all of the things South Korea does better than us during his State of the Union address, and Sen. Sherrod Brown, D-Ohio, wants us to pay higher wages like Germany. Even Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vermont, believes we need high-speed rail like Europe and China.

See, the Democrats are the friend that tries to cheer the hypochondriac up but only ends up making it worse.

So what if inflation leads us to become the next Zimbabwe? A t lea st the weather is beautiful. So you've got herpes - you won't die; it's just an increased risk of anal cancer.

That just makes the hypochondriac more neurotic. And no one is more neurotic than the Woody Allen of Fox News: Mr. Glenn Beck.

He says that if we don't fix ourselves we're going to become the French, or Soviet Russia or even the Weimar Republic. He even says America could suffer the same fate as Rome.

So we could be Egypt, Rome or the Weimar Republic. At least those are all better than Canada?