A couple of weeks ago, I was all ready to write a piece about an Osama bin Laden story that had everything, all the elements of a blowout column. It was almost too good to be true.

A couple of weeks ago, I was all ready to write a piece about an Osama bin Laden story that had everything, all the elements of a blowout column. It was almost too good to be true.

But it was true: "NBC News can now confirm that a stash of pornography was found inside the terror leader's lair," the channel reported.

First of all, NBC News "can now confirm"?

What we originally thought to be pictures of naked people wrestling is, in fact , pornography. There was some talk in our editorial meetin g about whether it could be classified as erotica, but then we saw a woman being banged by a horse. We believe this to be straight- up porn.

What a story! Even before Navy SEALs shot out his eye, Osama bin Laden was probably going blind, anyway.

I'd thought up wonderful titles like "Whackistan," "Al Jizzeera" and "Dead Man Wanking," and obviously I was extremely excited.

I got all set to write the story, had all the materials I needed to do it. I'm very particular when I'm doing a story like this.

I had papers to my right just the way I like it so my left hand is free. I had the news clips of the story cued up right at the part that works for me, and then came a knock at the door and ruined everything.

That knock was none other than Matt Lauer, who reported some news that took precedence over bin Laden and his porn.

"One of the most influential bankers in the world and a possible candidate for the presidency of France is due in a New York court this morning after he was arrested and charged with sexual assault at a luxury Manhattan hotel," Lauer reported.

Wow! You know you're in bad shape when your sex scandal comes out the same week as bin Laden's and you're the one who looks like the a-hole.

So what did Dominique Strauss-Kahn - who heads up the International Monetary Fund, a trillion-dollar organization that holds enormous power over developing nations (some might say in an exploitive fashion) - do?

"A hotel housekeeper entered his room Once inside the 62-year-old Strauss-Kahn came out of the bathroom naked, chased her through the rooms, forced her to perform a sex act and tried to tear off her underwear," reported ABC News.

They also reported the accuser was a 32-year-old African immigrant living in the Bronx.

That's like a live-action metaphor: The head of the IMF allegedly trying to screw an African. It's like he's posing for his own editorial cartoon.

The possible French presidential candidate, or should I say former possible French presidential candidate - eh maybe not, it is France - was caught trying to flee the country at Kennedy airport. The police had to pull him off the plane.

The police are confident that they have the right man, though. The hotel maid picked Strauss-Kahn out of a lineup that also included a mime, Pepe Le Pew, Inspector Clouseau and a French baguette.