Joan of Anchorage is back! That's right, Sarah Palin is back in the news just in time to cure my PTSD (post-Trump sadness disorder).

Joan of Anchorage is back! That's right, Sarah Palin is back in the news just in time to cure my PTSD (post-Trump sadness disorder).

She kicked off her one-nation bus tour last week with a stop at the National Archives to see the Declaration of Independence. And along the way reporters chased behind her with the same question.

Was it, "Mrs. Palin, why are we following your bus?" Or maybe, "What's wrong with us?"

Nope, the one question is whether or not Palin plans to run for president in 2012.

Apparently, the lame-stream media thinks she's running for president just because she's driving her family around key primary states in a bus with her signature, roughly the same size as the preamble of the Constitution, emblazoned on the side of it.

Has anyone ever stopped to consider the possibility that Sarah Palin and her family are driving from town to town solving mysteries and unmasking monsters in haunted amusement parks?

There's a pretty easy way to get to the bottom of this "will Palin run, or won't she" thing. Somebody could just ask her.

But Palin won't tell the media where she's going and is keeping her schedule a secret. Without that information, it will be nearly impossible for the media to track down her giant bus wrapped in the Constitution, signed by Sarah Palin.

How do they not know where she's going?! Even Bret Michaels said Palin's bus was a bit much.

I guess we'll just have to let Palin tell us what the tour is, then?

"It's not about me. It's not a publicity seeking tour," she said.

Ah, I get it. She's in stealth mode. Just out of curiosity, how do you get around when you are seeking publicity? Maybe by riding a nuclear bomb a la "Dr. Strangelove"?

Why is she playing this cat and mouse game? Can't Palin just tell reporters where she's going so we can all go back to our lives?

"I don't think I owe anything to the mainstream media no, I want them to have to do a little bit of work on a tour like this," Palin said.

So this whole thing is just a "f--- you" for asking which newspapers you read during the 2008 election, huh?

Palin gave the remarks about avoiding the press to a reporter who'd been allowed on her bus, which there's a very simple explanation for. She was giving an interview to Greta Van Susteren of Fox News.

Van Susteren later explained on her blog that Palin gave the interview because, "[Palin] works for Fox, and just as with any employees or someone on contract with another network, she is contractually obliged NOT to speak to others."

So that make Palin's full answer to why she's not talking to the press a two-parter: One, I'm an unconventional maverick who doesn't play by the rules. And two, Fox News Channel President Roger Ailes won't let me.