The Daily Show: Cult of Personality

From the October 20, 2011 edition

Recently it seemed Gov. Rick Perry’s entrance into the don’t-make-us-vote-for-Mitt-Romney Republican primary race had shaken things up as he shot to the top of the polls before even uttering a single word. Unfortunately, running for president does require word-uttering, which Perry had attempted on four separate debate occasions.

“I think Americans just don’t know sometimes which Mitt Romney they’re dealing with. Is it the Mitt Romney that was on the side of against the Second Amendment before he was for the Second Amendment? Was it — was before he was before the social programs …,” stammered Perry at one of the debates.

I was so close, thus almost completely not helping the win for losing before he was winning, no he … hey, who wants to see me electrocute a guy?

By the way, in recent polls almost all of Perry’s support appears to now have gone to Herman Cain because, again — and I cannot stress this enough — nobody likes Mitt Romney. Nobody.

Romney is the Republican Party’s ultimate safety school. Well, we’re not going to get into Harvard and the University of Texas looks like a stretch, so hello Glassboro State. Go Fightin’ Fallbacks!

So why is it that Rick Perry, who’s basically a 200-pound bag of choice-cut, Grade A Republican id, is dropping like a cow pie?

Is it his mangled debate performances? Possibly. Is it questions about his less than pristine record as governor of Texas? Perhaps. Or could it be that his family’s longtime hunting facility was formerly called … oh, I can’t say it.

“I know you would refrain from saying that word … the name of the place was called N-----head,” Cain said on ABC News’ “This Week.”

But, according the governor’s wife, Anita Perry, the real reason for Perry’s decline is something much more insidious.

“We are being brutalized by our opponents in our own party. So much of that is they look at him because of his faith,” Anita Perry said.

Republicans are brutalizing Rick Perry because of his faith?! Yes, no one gets it worse from the base of the Republican Party than evangelical Christians, or as they’re also known, the base of the Republican Party.

At least some evangelicals are fighting back. Take First Baptist Church of Dallas pastor and Rick Perry supporter Robert Jeffress, who goes in hard on Romney supporters.

“Mitt Romney is a good, moral person, but he’s not Christian. Mormonism is not Christianity, and it has always been considered a cult by mainstream Christianity,” Jeffress said.

That was the sweetest, most good-natured and pleasant crapping on an entire religion I have ever seen.

I mean, if y’all want to vote for a cult leader, I’m not going stop you. Bless his heart; yes, Romney deserves to be in hell, but certainly on a different floor than Hitler.

So is America ready for a Mormon president, or should mainstream Republican Christians still view Romney with suspicion? Should being Mormon disqualify you from being the president?

Two words: magic underpants.