Midseason TV review: American Horror Story

By Columbus Alive
From the November 24, 2011 edition

So far “American Horror Story” has given us Mrs. Coach (Connie Britton) getting banged by the “Pulp Fiction” gimp, ipecac cupcakes, hoofed fetuses, Dylan McDermott masturbating then crying, Mrs. Coach eating (organic) brains, a pigheaded — literally — serial killer, a dismembered infant reanimated into a Frankenstein-esque monster and last but certainly not least, the biting off of a Persian’s, er, Armenian’s penis.

These are the crazy things I enjoy about “Glee” co-creator Ryan Murphy’s latest pie-in-the-sky creation, but “American Horror Story” is still the worst television show I’ve seen in years. I know this because I’ve been glued to every episode. I hate this show, but I’m utterly captivated by it.

As much as I can complain about the ridiculously contrived lengths to which the writers will go to keep the Harmon family in the Murder House or how soap-opera bad the acting is, I’ve got to give “American Horror Story” credit for being entertaining.

It’s not entertaining because it’s a well-crafted horror story that keeps you on the edge of your seat — it isn’t. This is entertaining because it’s a complete mess.

Every time McDermott’s character, Ben, tries to convey emotion, I laugh. Every time one of the aforementioned shock value moments happens, I laugh. Basically “American Horror Story” is the best new comedy on television.

So if you’re like me — and ratings indicate there are a lot of you — you can’t wait for tonight’s special Thanksgiving episode. Just kidding. Tonight’s episode is titled “Rubber Man,” and it looks like we’re getting that character’s long-awaited backstory.

The Rubber Man (aka “Pulp Fiction” gimp) seems to be the show’s most popular character despite never having spoken a single word.

But when you get to do things like drown Zachary Quinto in his bobbing for apples display and sneakily have sex with Mrs. Coach because she apparently thinks her long-time husband has just developed a kinky, BDSM side she never knew about, who needs words?

Hopefully the silent treatment ends tonight and we’ll see just who’s been running around inside that rubber suit. No matter what happens, I’ll surely be laughing my ass off.