Ask Nicci: Is he a cheater? Let her figure it out

By Nicci Sprouse
From the February 2, 2012 edition

How do I tell my friend that I think her boyfriend is seeing another girl? —Jenny

Unless you have some facts to support your theory, you don’t. As ridiculous as my advice may sound, without proof, you are only creating drama.

The scenario: You share your suspicions with your friend. Her disbelief and love for this jerk outweigh her common sense. She begins to question your motives for telling her such an outlandish story.

Too often, friendships are ruined over guys. I assume you have her best interests at heart. But valid or not, it isn’t easy to hear the truth, especially when the truth means you’ve been cheated on or betrayed. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to learn things on our own before we can own them.

Now don’t take this to the extreme. If you have air-tight proof of his indiscretions, then share away; there’s no reason to watch her torture herself. Otherwise, take the high road for the moment and allow her to self-discover. If he really is cheating, her boyfriend will inevitably screw up, so be prepared to console your friend.

I had a date last weekend with a girl I really liked. We decided to go out again, however while snooping on Facebook today I realized I caught her in a lie. Should this bother me, since we’ve had only one date? —Mike

One thing I’ve learned from screening hundreds of potential singles for my clients is that things aren’t always as they seem. While I advocate screening your dates beforehand, and agree that Facebook stalking is one way to go about this, you may be jumping to conclusions.

At this point, regardless of where the relationship is going, it’s too early to be labeled — it doesn’t exist yet. You are simply two people getting to know each other better. Therefore, you have no grounds to be upset.

I would suggest not judging her for the supposed lie; give her the benefit of the doubt. Go ahead with your second date with the mindset of getting to know her better while being cautiously optimistic.

Now, I’m not saying you should overlook an “It’s Complicated” relationship status when you were clearly under the impression she was single. Just don’t overspeculate and ruin something you are enjoying. Pay more attention to her, heighten your awareness and proceed with maybe a little more caution.

∙ Nicci Sprouse is the owner of a local dating service. Send your questions about love and relationships to infoasknicci@gmail.com. Or get in touch through her website, asknicci.com.