Add alcohol: 2012 Academy Awards Drinking Game

From the February 23, 2012 edition

This drinking game will liven the party up more than losing 40 pounds did Jonah Hill’s career. Zing!

• Drink every time someone asks “Who are you wearing?” on the red carpet. That ought to get you started right.

• Take a shot and beat a dead horse if a red carpet commentator brings up Bjork’s swan dress.

• Social for every Whitney Houston or Jeremy Lin reference.

• Drink and fake an orgasm every time Billy Crystal makes a bad joke.

• Shed one tear every time you wish Ricky Gervais was hosting.

• Do a shot of whiskey and curse under your breath each time you see an actress politely clap after not winning.

• Every time “War Horse” wins an award, pet the nose of the person to your left and feed them a sugar cube.

• Drink every time you think, “Man, I could use a drink!”

• Drink and fake-fart if Melissa McCarthy wins Best Supporting Actress for “Bridesmaids.”

• Each time a winner's speech is played off by the orchestra, grab the drink out of the hand of the person at your right and steal a sip.

• Drink every time you confuse Meryl Streep with Glenn Close.

• Drink once for every Best Picture nominee you haven’t seen. Drink twice for every nominee you haven’t heard of.

• Drink and remember to call your mom every time a winner thanks a mother. She’s worried sick, and you never call.

• Sneer and shotgun a Mickey’s if the Clint Eastwood Chrysler Super Bowl commercial airs.

• Take a shot of Four Loko and jump on the couch every time Tom Cruise is shown staring down Katie Holmes.

• Take a drink of chartreuse and exclaim “Mon Dieu!” every time there’s a reference to Jean Dujardin’s Frenchness.

• Remove one article of clothing for each film you saw in the Best Costume Design category.

• Pour one out for Hollywood’s dead homies during the Oscar death montage.