It’s going to be a great showdown in New Orleans this Saturday when Ohio State takes on Kansas in the Final Four. Here’s a breakdown of the two schools that you won’t get from Dick Vitale.
Ohio State: Brutus Buckeye
Kansas: Big Jay Jayhawk
Edge: Ohio State. The Jayhawk isn’t even a real bird!
Ohio State: “O-H-I-O”
Kansas: “Rock chalk, Jayhawk”
Edge: Kansas. We shouldn’t be that proud of being able to spell our four-letter state name.
Ohio State: The Ohio Players
Edge: Ohio State. Kansas’ “Dust in the Wind” might be the most annoying song ever.
Ohio State: Big Ten
Kansas: Big 12
Edge: Ohio State. Go figure: The Big Ten has 12 teams and the Big 12 has 10 teams (for now). But the Big Ten is the oldest Division I conference.
Final Four appearances
Ohio State; 11
Greatest player of all time
Ohio State: John “Hondo” Havlicek
Kansas: Wilt “The Stilt” Chamberlain
Edge: Kansas. Chamberlain scored 100 points in a single game and claims to have slept with 20,000 women. Sadly this isn’t even close, despite Havlicek’s far superior nickname.
“Miami Vice” Connection
Ohio State: Philip Michael Thomas, aka Detective Ricardo Tubbs, was born in Columbus.
Kansas: Don Johnson, aka Detective James Crockett, graduated from high school in Wichita.
Edge: Ohio State. Thomas was actually born in Ohio; Johnson was born in Kansas’ rival Missouri. Besides, Crockett always seemed like kind of a douche.
Well, there you have it — Ohio State edges Kansas 4-3. Hopefully the Buckeye victory on Saturday won’t be so close.