The Daily Show: Good Morning Real America

From the April 12, 2012 edition

Last week I woke up and plopped down in front of the “Today” show with my morning jumble and a microwaved cup of Ovaltine, expecting to catch up on the morning news and weather in kind of a fun, friendly atmosphere. Maybe catch a couple of quick segments on how best to dress for my body type.

But what do I see? Sarah Palin co-hosting “Today.” Here’s the thing: The former Alaska governor was actually quite good and likable in this setting. My issue was not with how I viewed Palin as co-host of “Today;” it was with how Palin seemed to view it.

She even sent out a tweet before her appearance saying, “Gonna go rogue and infiltrate some turf.” What the hell does she mean?

I think that tweet really means you’re cynically exploiting a manufactured notion of yourself as a crusader against a monolithic, exclusionary, activist, liberal media whilst actually enjoying a mutually beneficial symbiotic relationship with them, only to the detriment of the rest of the country.

My problem is that Palin acts like she needs it to protect herself from “Today” liberals when the truth is she was just there to talk about party planning with Tori Spelling, pretend she remembers who Wilson Phillips is and hang out for some lighthearted couch banter with Ann Curry and Matt Lauer.

Instead she acted like she was sitting there with Che Guevara, Vladimir Lenin and Saul Alinsky. Palin pretended like this whole appearance is some uncommonly ballsy way to stick it to the “lame-stream media.” It’s really just another place for Palin to spout her homespun nonsense unchallenged.

“Anybody but [President] Obama. I honestly believe that anybody running the GOP ticket would be infinitely better than what we have today with these failed socialist policies,” Palin said.

Only two minutes later, when Lauer asked her if she though the economy was improving, Palin answered with, “For whom? Maybe for those — some on Wall Street.”

That doesn’t make any sense. Wall Street fat cats are reaping the benefits of the failed socialist policies? But who gives a crap if it doesn’t make any sense? It’s on at seven o’clock in the morning while people are mistakenly buttering Pop Tarts.

If Palin really wants to know why some people are infuriated by her — it’s not her commonsense conservatism, or her mama grizzly tenacity — it’s the casual manner with which she accuses everybody she disagrees with of dividing America while simultaneously saying this:

“I think [the OWN Network] is going to be around if [Oprah Winfrey] gets some conservatives on the show, some patriots who understand the Constitution.”

That’s it right there — in a nutshell. The simplicity and prejudice of your worldview that the patriotism and goodness of something is in direct proportion only to the amount of conservatism in said thing. And that equation so rules your life that you offered that advice spontaneously to the question, “How do you think Oprah is doing?”