The Daily Show: Mitt Needs Moms

From the April 19, 2012 edition

I’m a simple man. All I need is a cheeseburger and a tasty brew — maybe a world championship for all my favorite sports teams. Getting a story where a powerful person and/or organization trips over his/their own dicks is just gravy.

“President Obama is back at the White House this morning after a trip to Colombia, a visit that was overshadowed by a prostitution scandal involving members of the Secret Service,” Matt Lauer reported.

This is going to be awesome!

“Eleven special agents allegedly brought prostitutes back to the [hotel]. Thursday morning hotel managers realized one woman hadn’t picked up her ID by checkout time and found her in her room fighting with an agent after he failed to pay her,” the “Today” show reported.

Red Eagle, this is Victory One. You told me this was a Groupon deal. I’m currently not packing greenbacks and now I’ve got a Code Uh-oh.

This story should be dominating news networks, but it’s not, because last week some lady said a stupid thing.

“What you have is Mitt Romney running around the country saying, ‘Well, you know, my wife tells me that what women really care about is economic issues.’ … Guess what? His wife has actually never worked a day in her life,” said Democratic pundit Hilary Rosen on CNN.

And cue the s--- storm. Yes, that stupid remark triggered a full-on media catastrophe. It was on every network 24/7.

There wasn’t a show that went by where Fox News didn’t turn the full force of their ire on Rosen. They even convened not one, but two full-on mom panels all blazing with righteous, yet nurturing, indignation.

The Democrats seem to be stunned by the reaction. Why?

For months Republicans have been tearing each other apart during the primaries, and the news media was focused on that. It was one right-wing gaffe after another — Michele Bachmann thinking HPV vaccines cause mental retardation, Herman Cain’s unorthodox lady employee measuring techniques, Rick Perry.

No matter what the Democrats did, nobody cared. Every time they said something, the news media would get distracted by Newt Gingrich’s open marriage.

How crazy is all this? Looks like Rosen just made the Republican Party pro-choice.

“My career choice was to be a mother, and I think all of us need to know that we need to respect the choices that women make,” said Ann Romney, Mitt’s wife.

Now Romney can campaign on motherhood being hard. It’s probably the only issue he hasn’t flip-flopped on.

“While I was governor, 85 percent of the people on a form of welfare assistance in my state had no work requirement. I said that, for instance, even if you have a child two years of age, you need to go to work. … It’ll cost the state more providing that day care, but I want the individuals to have the dignity of work,” said Romney three months ago.

I think Romney said his own wife has no dignity. Doesn’t he know what they did to Rosen? Run, Mitt!