Crew: Listomania

From the May 10, 2012 edition

I believe in this Crew team. They get foot-stupid in front of the goalmouth — scoreless again last Saturday in Portland — but I swear they are going to put it together eventually.

There’s something brewing that belies the 2-4-2 record. The pitch was electric Saturday, if also erratic. Their mojo simply hasn’t matured yet.

That said, how better to summarize the early season than with gratuitous lists?

Top 10 Crew players who haven’t scored yet

1. Emilio Renteria (does drawing a PK count?)

2. Ethan Finlay (but he would win a footrace)

3. Dilly Duka (get well soon)

4. Tony Tchani (frequent shanker)

5. Aaron Schoenfeld (untimely injury)

6. Josh Williams (that one against Vancouver really should have counted, though)

7. Danny O’Rourke (but a serious boost to the midfield)

8. Kirk Urso (hard to score when you get benched)

9. Andy Gruenebaum: (hey, Hesmer scored one last year)

10. TIE: Bernardo Anor and Justin Meram: (wherefore art thou?)

Top 10 Crew injuries

1. Chad Marshall’s concussion-like symptoms

2. William Hesmer’s hip

3. Dilly Duka’s hamstring

4. Julius James’ collapsed lung

5. Danny O’Rourke’s ankle

6. TIE: Rich Balchan’s sports hernia/Ben Speas’ sports hernia

7. Aaron Schoenfeld’s plantar fascia

8. Olman Vargas’ hamstring

9. Tom Heinemann’s knee

10. Carlos Mendes’ hamstring

Top 5 exciting new players who have played

1. Milovan Mirosevic: A midfield general capable of combining creative flair and gritty resolve in a single slide tackle.

2. Josh Williams: A defensive terror (in a good way) and an offensive force; technically not new, but might as well be.

3. Nemanja Vukovic: A constant attacking threat from the left flank.

4. Aaron Schoenfeld: The next Brian McBride? (skill set division)

5. Olman Vargas: The next Brian McBride? (looks division)

Top 5 exciting new players who haven’t played

1. Designated player to be named: Whoever he is, sign him soon.

2. Jairo Arrieta: He scored frequently in Costa Rica; can’t wait until he arrives here.

3. Chris Birchall: The World Cup veteran, acquired this week, was a core Galaxy midfielder last season.

4. Ben Speas: Here’s to a speedy recovery for the Crew Soccer Academy product and Tar Heels star.

5. Kevan George: He’s really tall!