I’m going to let you in on a little secret that teenage girls learn as soon as they get their juniper berry lotion-soaked hands on their first issue of “Cosmopolitan”:
Make your man happy or you will be doomed to a life of regret What you wear to bed is important.
You can tell a lot about a gal by what she wears to greet the Sandman, according to the best of the lady rags.
Shorts and a tee? Greetings, laid-back gal with a penchant for playing softball. Lacy nightie? Oops, I think I just tripped over your feminine wiles. Naked? You, saucy minx, are totally going to hook up with Sandman, aren’t you?!
Ugh. Just kidding. The only thing a person’s pajamas really tell you about someone is that they are getting ready for bed.
I am aware of this truth but still eat up stories like that. For example, I changed the way I wear my hair while alone recently because of a “study” I heard about (quotation marks courtesy the fact that I can’t locate the findings’ details online, but everything morning-news people talk about is real, right?).
Apparently, if you wear your hair down while you’re alone — hand-raise here — you are controlling. In an attempt to prove I was not controlling (and in hindsight also control the situation) I tried ponytailing it for a weekend. I quickly reverted back to wearing my hair down.
But I digress. What sleepwear can do is make you feel better. I think dressing for the morning wakeup you want is just as important as, say, dressing for the job you want.
You’re an adult now, which means you are only granted three humiliation-free passes per year for falling asleep in your clothes from the night before. The rest of the time, wear something awesome and I guarantee you’ll feel better in the morning.
That means whatever makes you most comfortable — boxers or briefs, a T-shirt or nothing at all. I love Victoria’s Secret Pink sassy shorts and tanks. Or try a silk nightgown, classy lady. You can find them cheap at many outlet stores; that one pictured is a JCPenney purchase from my Betty Draper-inspired rampage for disgustingly feminine sleepwear. Buy a cotton number with some lace detailing to get the 1950s nightgown effect with all of the comfort a practical modern-day damsel requires.
As for you, Mr. Sandman, call me.
∙ Objects of Desire is a biweekly column that explores items Columbus shoppers crave. Follow Jackie Mantey on Twitter at @Jackie_Mantey.