The List: 10 greatest fictional athletes

From the September 13, 2012 edition

We love fantasy football season — even though it’s really just a jock-friendly Dungeons & Dragons when you think about. But with so many of us playing fictional managers with real athletes, we decided to manage our favorite fictional athletes.

10. Happy Gilmore, “Happy Gilmore”

Officially, this is the only Adam Sandler comedy I can stand. Golf could use a little more attitude.

9. Dottie Hinson, “A League of their Own”

There’s no crying in baseball, but Geena Davis’ slugger on an all-female team made opposing pitchers wish there was.

8, Kelley Leak, “Bad News Bears”

The Bears’ star pitcher was a teen who smoked cigarettes and rode a Harley. Oh, and he was played by Jackie Earle Haley, who grew up to be a damn fine actor.

7. Ricky Bobby “Talledega Nights”

Dear 8 pounds, 6 ounces newborn infant baby Jesus, who else but Will Ferrell could have nailed this character? Both people who love and hate NASCAR agree.

6. Rocky Balboa, “Rocky”

The Rocky of “Rocky” would rank much higher, but all those sequels watered down Sylvester Stallone’s original character.

5. Crash Davis, “Bull Durham”

A lifetime in the minor leagues will make a man wise. I also believe in long, slow, deep, wet kisses that last for three days.

4. Kenny Powers, “Eastbound & Down”

The quintessential dude trying to regain former sports glory. With the quintessential mullet.

3. Randy “The Ram” Robinson, “The Wrestler”

Pro wrestling may not really be a sport, but Mickey Rourke’s tragic wrestler coming to terms with the end of his career was certainly an athlete.

2. Reg Dunlop, “Slap Shot”

Paul Newman’s aging player-coach of the Charlestown Chiefs knew the value of a little theater in sports, so his team resorted to violence to fill the seats. Turns out that works.

1. Roy Munson, “Kingpin”

Sorry, but Woody Harrelson’s despicable ex-pro bowler tops my list. Bonus points for being one of the few sports that encourages drinking while you play it.