Election Survival Guide: Debate Drinking Game

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From the October 18, 2012 edition

Let’s face it, the Presidential debates are pretty boring and tedious. So, a good way to make it through this final debate is to make a drinking game out of what topics President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney will surely hit on. Alive is not responsible for anyone missing work the following day due to a hangover.

• If Obamacare or Romneycare is mentioned, sip on some sizzurp.

• If Romney mentions “job creators,” drink a brandy and light a cigar with a $50 bill (because using a $100 bill would be excessive spending).

• If a candidate mentions the national debt, chug a PBR.

• If gun control is mentioned, shotgun a beer.

• If a candidate mentions “real America(ns),” chug a Budweiser.

• If Obama mentions Bill Clinton, take two drinks and grab someone’s buttocks.

• If Romney mentions Ronald Reagan, take two drinks and play dead for 10 seconds.

• If a candidate mentions China, chug a Tsingtao.

• If a candidate mentions “the troops,” chug a beer and say the Pledge of Allegiance. The last one to complete this must chug another beer.

• If a candidate mentions Ohio, chug a beer and chant O-H, I-O. The last one to complete this must chug another beer.

• If Romney mentions “his middle-class upbringing,” spit-take whatever you’re drinking.

• If a candidate mentions lowering taxes for any group, angrily curse and swig whiskey.

• If a candidate smirks passive-aggressively or angrily, take three drinks.

• Every time a candidate uses hand gestures, take one drink. Hopefully you’ll pass out before the debate is over.