The List: 10 events we’d like to see at the Arnold

  • Courtney Hergesheimer/Dispatch File Photo
By Columbus Alive
From the February 28, 2013 edition

It seems like every year the scope of the Arnold Sports Festival gets broader in its competitions. We have 10 suggestions to really kick it up a notch.

All-Around Weakling

Who can lift the least weight? Who has the lowest level of endurance? Find out with this multi-event spectacular to find the world’s greatest girlie man.

Rock, Paper, Scissors

Two opponents square off and, at the count of three, either lift a 500-pound boulder, tear a phone book in half or scissor-kick a speed bag.

Head Crusher

There are so many feats of real strength. How about an event dedicated to an imaginary one inspired by the Kids in the Hall “I’m crushing your head” guy?

Advanced Catchphrasing

Think you can out-catchphrase the greatest action movie catchphraser ever? Get to the choppa! Bonus round: An actual game of “Who Is Your Daddy and What Does He Do?” with the “Kindergarten Cop” star.

Canasta

Do you know who is really snubbed by the Arnold? Card-playing grandmothers, that’s who!

5K Pump & Run

Sorry. This is actually an actual thing at the Arnold, but I can’t stop snickering at the name.

Gymnast Lifting

What happens when you combine some of the largest competitors at the Arnold with some of the smallest? This.

The Grunt-Off

Get all of the amazing sounds of weightlifting without any of the weights! This can be judged much the way a turkey-calling contest would.

The Hunger Games

There’s archery, MMA and more at the Arnold. Why don’t we make it really interesting and toss in a little “fight to the death”? May the odds be ever in your favor!

Power Feelings

Guys, you know what takes real strength? Being able to open yourself up and be in touch with your emotions.