What Your Drink Says About You

From the March 7, 2013 edition

Whether we want to admit it or not, what you order at the bar says a lot. If you watch carefully, you’ll notice — for the most part, obviously there are exceptions to every rule — a drink can be a good indication of a person’s personality, interests or how he or she is going to act at the bar.

So let’s play a little game. Here are some popular drink orders and descriptions of what that says about the person who orders it. See if you can match them up.


1. Jager Bomb

2. PBR Tallboy

3. Old-fashioned

4. Bloody Mary

5. Anything blended

6. Rum and Diet Coke (with a lime)

7. Tequila

8. Bud Light

9. Jameson


A. You wish you were at the beach right now. And you’re making sure you’ll have the perfect bikini body for whenever you get there.

B. You think you’re Don Draper — you’re not. (Side note: never order this drink in a busy bar. It’s a lot of work for the bartender, and if you really were Don Draper, you’d have your daughter make it for you at home … and then criticize her technique.)

C. You’re an a--hole.

D. You like SportsCenter and Dave Mathews Band and think Dane Cook is funny.

E. You’re a writer with a column about drinking and think that gives you the right to judge people.

F. You’re a lot of fun … or in store for a disastrously embarrassing night followed by an even worse hangover.

G. You’re a starving artist/musician/writer. Or misappropriating the concept of irony. Or have crappy taste.

H. You want to get really drunk, really quickly. And then have the drunken energy to do something really stupid.

I. It’s either brunch (and you’re in store for an entire Sunday of day drinking) or you’re the person who eats breakfast for dinner.

Answer key:

1. H; 2. G; 3. B; 4. I; 5. C; 6. A; 7. F; 8. D.; 9. E. Answers C and F are also acceptable for any drink.