The List: 10 worst things about hippies

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From the June 27, 2013 edition

The dream of the ’60s is alive at ComFest ... for better or worse. Don't get us wrong. We love you, ComFest. But here are 10 things in modern hippie culture we could do without.

Soap abstinence

Dude, even ancient Mesopotamians smelled better than you. C'mon.

Tie-dye anything

You know the only thing that really matches tie-dye? Those stupid corduroy pants with all the patches that make you look like a quilt.

Birkenstocks

Those clunky Jesus sandals are so ugly, we'd almost prefer you went barefoot on the street. Also, don't go barefoot on the street. That's gross.

Pacifism

You know who really loves your forms of silent, symbolic protest? The Man.

Hacky sacks/hula hoops/those stick things they throw in the air with the other stick things

We all want freedom, man. Particularly the freedom to not have to yield you space in a crowd to play with your toys.

Giving children stupid names

We hope Moonbeam makes a lot of friends on her first day of kindergarten. They’re children, not My Little Ponies.

Ruining the drug debate

We can't have a reasonable debate about marijuana laws in this country with one side showing up for the debate blazed.

Dreadlocks on white people

You would think that balding ponytails would be the worst hair choice of this culture. Nope. This.

Jamming

You know what we like? When bands practice music and then perform it for us. The Grateful Dead unleashed the floodgates of making audiences pay to hear them dick around on their instruments.

Patchouli

The only thing that can make body odor smell worse.