The List: 10 topical Halloween costumes to avoid for 2013

By Columbus Alive
From the October 24, 2013 edition
  • Photo by Charles Sykes/Invision/AP
  • AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite
  • Courtesy A24 Films

As you’re scrambling for last-minute costume ideas, you’ll be tempted to go topical. Recent pop culture can make for some great ideas, but avoid these. They are going to be overplayed.

10. IKEA monkey

A great costume idea that suffered from unfortunate timing, as that little furniture-shopping simian was discovered almost a year ago. Old news.

9. Macklemore

Clever costume shoppers have long known to hit the thrift store, making this one too obvious, even if you rock a fur fox skin. That said, if you find a broken keyboard, you buy a broken keyboard.

8. Amanda Bynes

Celebrity trainwrecks are always a tempting idea, as they allow for sluttiness and give you an (extra) excuse to stagger drunkenly around at the party. It’s time we looked away from this particular trainwreck.

7. “Spring Breakers”

Again, it seems like a low-hanging fruit: neon bikinis and ski masks for the girls, cornrows and grill for James Franco’s wacked-out rapper Alien. We will forgive this, however, if it raises awareness for the supporting actor Oscar campaign for Franco.

6. Paula Deen

The only thing worse than spray tan? Racism.

5. John Boehner

You could split the can of spray tan with Paula Deen, but we are declaring a preemptive moratorium on any and all costumes related to the government shutdown, especially Boehner. Especially especially sexy John Boehner.

4. Sharknado

Good bad movies aren’t as self-aware as “Sharknado.” The whole thing felt like Twitter bait from the get-go. It’s time to let go.

3. Kanye West/Kim Kardashian

Not even if you have a baby North West stand-in.

2. Duck Dynasty

You know you’re going to see a veritable army of beards, duck calls and general hillbilly-ness. Plus, have you ever tried to drink while wearing a fake beard? Bad idea, dude.

1. Miley Cyrus

Please. No sticking out your tongues. No twerking. And if you’ve got the stripey suit, go as Beetlejuice, not Robin Thicke.