Pop Culture: Sports Bites

By Justin Golak and Sumukh Torgalkar
From the February 6, 2014 edition

On bullying, Bret Favre and sexting

Golak: Richie Incognito is now claiming that Jonathan Martin also sent crude, aggressive text messages to him and described the texts as banter, not abuse. Did this just go from a bullying scandal to a sexting scandal? Will Brett Favre's flacid penis come out of retirement and insert itself into this situation?

Sumukh: Unbelievably, I think you just turned a sports discussion into sexting by using "flaccid penis" and "insert" in your question to me.

On Tiger’s “comeback”

Sumukh: Tiger Woods missed the cut at Torrey Pines to start the year. Will this still be the year for Tiger's comeback we've been waiting for?

Golak: Woods off the 'tang would be like Bukowski off the sauce. If Tiger wants another green jacket, he needs to start grabbing more suppers at Perkins.

On the Cavs

Golak: Austin Carr's retired jersey was stolen from the rafters of the Q. Cleveland's arena sadly doesn't have bannerage to spare. If I'm climbing up there, I'm coming down with the Mark Price jersey.

Sumukh: Nice, but can you also try to find the championship LeBron was supposed to bring the Cavs while you're up there?

On chicken wings and comas

Sumukh: Molly Schuyler set a record by eating 363 chicken wings at Wing Bowl 22. This is your dream woman, isn't it, Golak?

Golak: More like my coma woman — which is what I felt like I was going to slip into the one time I ate 50 wings in one sitting. Cheers to Molly for clenching those sauce-drenched hands and smashing through that glass ceiling.