FIGURE IT OUT
Golak: A French newspaper is reporting that the U.S. and Russia are colluding to fix figure skating results in the 2014 Sochi Olympics. Most of what I know about figure skating comes from the 1992 movie “The Cutting Edge.” That being said, figure skating would be way better with Zdeno Chara skating pairs.
Sumukh: I don't know what's more frightening: The idea of Zdeno Chara figure skating or the fact that when I googled “The Cutting Edge,” Hollywood has made three sequels of it.
NO SHOVE NO LOVE
Sumukh: Oklahoma State player Marcus Smart shoved a Texas Tech fan who may have said something offensive to him near the end of their 65-61 loss on Saturday. Golak, you've dealt with hecklers when doing stand-up. Any advice for Mr. Smart?
Golak: Take a classic and modify it. “I don't come to your job and slap the NCAA-rules-violating booster contributions out of your hand.”
Golak: The Shooting Stars Competition celebrates its 10-year anniversary as part of the NBA All-Star Weekend. Is its main purpose to make the fledgling dunk contest look better in comparison?
Sumukh: If that's what its goal is, then the NBA apparently thinks its fans love watching Swin Cash make bank shots.
Sumukh: Every time I'm watching a sporting event, I keep getting hit with these Subway ads with Nastia Liukin for the new Fritos Chicken Enchilada sub. Where is Subway getting the ideas for some of these subs?
Golak: It has got to be the weedpriest himself. No, not Michael Phelps. The guy who rubbed his nuts on the bread and instagrammed it.