Local native and NYC graphic designer Michael Tyznik’s vision of a Columbus transit map has us dreaming of the possibilities. What would life be like with light-rail transit in Columbus? Here’s what we’d love to see.
10. The sights (and smells) of big-city mass transit
You never know what sort of craziness you might see on a train (see peopleofthecta.com for examples). And just imagine the smells on the last train bound for Clintonville from ComFest!
9. It’s your new designated driver
Multi-neighborhood bar hopping would be a possibility, meaning we can go from Clintonville to German Village to Franklinton to the Short North without the hassle of cabs. And who hasn’t always wanted to get drunk and go to the zoo with his or her buddies, but no one would DD?
8. Parking in the Short North
With more people hopping a train to avoid the situation altogether, you might actually find a parking spot in the Short North. Unless it’s Gallery Hop, of course. We can’t promise miracles.
7. The sexually adventurous can reenact that scene in “Risky Business”
Just try not to think about Tom Cruise during the act. It’ll ruin the mood.
6. Drawing new lines of neighborhood pride/snobbery
As the trains bring neighborhoods together, it can also unite them against each other, as regular riders of the Franklinton/Olde Towne East line can judge the Short North/German Village line accordingly.
5. Something new for Columbus residents to complain about
We’ve complained for years about our lack of a light-rail option, but don’t worry. If it happened, we could complain about every little thing that was wrong with it.
4. Improved rush hour traffic
No longer will commuters have to sit in stop-and-go traffic on their way to and from work! Yeah, we’ll believe it when we see it.
3. Actually living car-free in Columbus
There are a handful of great walkable neighborhoods, but living and working in Columbus without a car is tough. Finally, we could ditch our vehicles once and for all. The next time your car gets towed, just leave it where it is.
2. Giving it a fun nickname
Whatever it’s official name, Columbus residents could come up with a snappy nickname for our light-rail system. We could go with the Ozzy Osbourne-inspired “Crazy Train” or maybe just call it “the ’Bus Train.” That’ll confuse the rest of the country.
1. Finally acting like the big city we are
Columbus is one of the largest metropolitan areas in the U.S. with no rail transit. This would mean more than, say, an NBA team. Like Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook, by gum, it would put us on the map!