Pop Culture: Sports Bites

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From the March 20, 2014 edition

ANTE UP

Golak: March Madness is getting underway. A special time of the year where every Average Joe and Josephine can experience the overwhelming joy of life's greatest vice: gambling. In terms of adding excitement, gambling is to college basketball as PEDs are to professional baseball, yes?

Sumukh: Sure, but PEDs got Ryan Braun a $105-million contract extension. With March Madness, at best, the lady in accounting who thought Aaron Craft was Two-Face in “The Dark Knight” is winning the $105 first prize in your office pool.

DOIN' UNEMPLOYMENT

Sumukh: Kobe Bryant is out for the remainder of the season. He played six games this year. What do you think the future is for Kobe and the Lakers?

Golak: Shaquille O'Neal is rebooting “Shaq Fu” for the PC. Maybe Kobe's future is licensing his likeness and becoming a digitized videogame villain. Villainous alter ego: The Ass Taster.

SUPERFAN 68

Golak: Jaromir Jagr, who is currently winging for the New Jersey Devils, is debating whether to stay in the NHL, finish out his career in a Czech hockey league or retire all together after a season that sees him with 22 goals and 58 points as of this past weekend. Jagr is mine, but who is your favorite active NHL player who was also featured in the video game classic “NHL 94”?

Sumukh: Teemu Selanne. I’ll always remember Selanne because I did a fantasy hockey league once in 2005, and my only knowledge of who to pick for my team was based off if I had heard of them in “NHL 94.” Selanne was great, but the rest of the senior citizen roster led me to a last-place finish.

EARNING STRIPES

Sumukh: The Cincinnati Bengals gave Marvin Lewis a one-year contract extension. This shows the Bengals want to win with Lewis, but expect to win soon. With a career 90-90-1 record and no playoff wins, what do you think of the Bengals continuing to show faith in Lewis?

Golak: The way the Cincinnati Bengals are holding on to Marvin Lewis, I can only assume he has some sort of violent or drug-related crime in his past.