WELCOME TO ATLANTA
Golak: Keith Olbermann named Columbus Crew fans the "World's Worst in Sport" after Crew fan group Massive City FFC directed a message at the city of Atlanta — which is set to get a new MLS franchise in 2017 — sardonically welcoming them to the league over a photo of murder-boner-seeking Union General William Sherman (who essentially burned Atlanta to the ground during the Civil War). Who's acting with more needless grandeur and hyperbole, Crew fans and their taunt or Olbermann and his awarding of superlatives?
Sumukh: Olbermann. While the merits of what Massive City FFC did could be debated, they at least made an attempt at being clever in one tweet that you could read in a couple seconds whereas Olbermann failed to do that throughout his ridiculous 4-minute segment.
Sumukh: In the wake of last year’s tragedy, Meb Keflezighi became the first American male to win the Boston Marathon since 1983. Golak, I know you’re proud to be an American, but I also know that you hate running. Where does Keflezighi’s victory rank in your mind?
Golak: I am a proud sedentary American! I've had a “These Colors Don't Run” bumper sticker before it had xenophobic and racist undertones. Let's put it this way, I'd knock over Meb Keflezighi to get Joey Chestnut's autograph.
GREAT GRANDMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT
Golak: At the age of 49, Bernard Hopkins unified light heavyweight world titles by defeating Beibut Shumenov on points — making him the oldest title unifier in boxing history. It's insane to think that a man only 9 years younger than my father is a world champion. Is Hopkins' career the greatest age-based set of achievements in the history of sports?
Sumukh: It certainly eclipses George Foreman’s heavyweight title win at age 45, but that means I’m actually more excited to see what type of million-dollar cooking appliance Hopkins releases soon.
OUTSIDE THE LINES
Sumukh: Both Los Angeles Magazine and ESPN The Magazine offered detailed reports into how Dodgers outfielder Yasiel Puig got into the U.S. from Cuba. Though talented on the field, Puig has been a problem for the Dodgers off the field. Do the crazy details of the report linking Puig to a drug cartel and a small-time crook in Miami in order to arrive safely to a huge baseball contract make you feel more accepting about his behavior?
Golak: You can't overlook behavior regardless of circumstances, but seeing what he's been through, let's at least give the man a time-cushion to acclimate and turn things toward the positive. If he ever whacks David E. Kelley because of a crush he has on Michelle Pfeiffer, we can start worrying.