The List: Top 10 fancy things

  • AP photo/The New York Times
From the July 31, 2014 edition

With chart-topping rapper Iggy Azalea coming to the LC this Thursday, we’re saluting her ubiquitous summer hit with a countdown of our favorite things that are fancy.

10. Monocle

Two lenses are for poor people. If you want to go high-class, you only see out of one eye. Complete the I’m-a-Robber-Baron look with some gaudy cufflinks and a pocket watch (preferably twirled whilst sauntering).

9. Multiple showerheads

Single showerhead? What are you, in prison? You’ll feel cleaner — and fancier — with the sensation that a warm springtime rain shower just popped up in your bathroom.

8. Fancy Feast

Who says it’s just for cats? Start your day with the Mornings Medley with Wild Salmon, Garden Veggies and Egg.

7. Foie Gras

There’s no more extravagant dining experience than the liver of a tortured, force-fed duck/goose. Mmmm …

6. Miller High Life

It’s the Champagne of Beers! (For the record, the Beer of Champagnes is André.)

5. Infinity Pools

If you truly want to be the fanciest, you must have a swimmin’ hole that goes on forever. Only white trash can’t swim to eternity.

4. Cucumber sandwiches

Preferably served with tea. Definitely consumed pinkies out.

3. The word “indubitably”

Only the wealthiest, and therefore fanciest, individuals are completely infallible. Just ask their attorney(s).

2. A diamond-encrusted white tiger

If you want to separate yourself from all the schmucks with white tigers, the only way is to envelop your pet jungle cat in jewels. You’ll be the envy of every cartel drug lord.

1. Fancy ketchup

They serve nothing but the best at McDonald’s.