Let's bring back the Mad Cows

If Anthony Precourt defects to Austin and takes the Crew with him, what will become of Mapfre Stadium? Rock on the Range seems to get bigger every year, but the hard-rock fest certainly isn't enough to sustain the stadium year-round. The venue needs a larger purpose, and we came up with a few ideas.

Implode and obstruct

Take a cue from Atlanta's recent experience with the Georgia Dome: Dynamite the stadium. But also, at the exact moment of demolition, drive a COTA bus in front of the camera so nobody can see.

Resurrect the Columbus Mad Cows

Before the city's NHL hockey team was dubbed the Blue Jackets, Alive's onetime alt-weekly competitor, The Other Paper, ran a cover story that called the team the Mad Cows. Then, for one night, the city's minor league hockey team at the time, The Chill, played as the Mad Cows, complete with Holstein jerseys.

Once again, the city may soon be in need of a new sports franchise. Regardless of the sport (soccer, cricket, jai alai), why not fill Mapfre with Mad Cows?

Demolition derby

If we can't have our beloved Crew, maybe we should go in the opposite direction. Soccer is a game of speed and finesse. Demolition derby involves crashing cars into each other in the mud. (It also doubles as a metaphor for talks between Precourt and the city.)

“American Ninja Warrior” training and competition center

The entertainment value of watching amateur athletes attempt this obstacle course (beware the Salmon Ladder!) may be the only thing our divided nation can agree on.

Raze it and build a Jungle Jim's

Central Ohio now boasts an IKEA, Cabela's and multiple Costco and Trader Joe's stores. All we're missing is our own Jungle Jim's International Market.

Home of the new Soccer Meets Music Festival (SMMF)

Want to put Columbus on the map(fre)? Combine two of the city's favorite things in a festival that will undoubtedly boast many sponsors, as well as several stages with banners for those sponsors. That's really all you need for a world-class festival! But if it doesn't work out, you could always move the fest to Circleville.

Leave it empty for years and see if the graffiti is better than the street art that once covered the abandoned Polaris Amphitheater

Probably the most likely scenario, tbh.