A rundown of select films currently playing in theaters
New in Theaters:
The most recent film from great English animation house Aardman (“Chicken Run”) ventures back in time to when early Homo sapiens accidentally invented soccer by kicking around a flaming orb of magma spit up by a volcano. Expect a heaping dose of dry, British wit that plays well to adults, while children should be captivated by the claymation.
Rutger Hauer and Billy Zane star in this supernatural biblical epic, which centers on a hero whose power is derived from his hair. As a bald(ing) man, I feel personally attacked.
“Film Stars Don't Die in Liverpool”
*Everyone from Los Angeles moves to England*
For fans of Austrian auteur Michael Haneke (“Amour,” “Funny Games”), a new film is worth celebrating, even if this tale of a bourgeois French family isn't quite his best work. (3 stars)
“Fifty Shades Freed”
The third (and final, finally) film in the erotic, monochromatically named trilogy finds kink-fellows Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) joined at the altar, which is also, ironically, the couple's safe word.
“The 15:17 to Paris”
To catch the 15:17 to Paris, start by hopping the 3:10 to Yuma through District 9, which should take 30 Minutes or Less. From there it's 16 Blocks to 85 Charing Cross Road. 50/50 shot you arrive by 11:14, which ought to make you feel 17 Again.
Supposedly this is a family film, but the poster, which features Peter reclining on a pile of carrots, his denim shirt fully unbuttoned like he's auditioning for Brad Pitt's role in “Legends of the Fall,” makes me want to keep him 100 yards from children at all times.
In what marks Paul Thomas Anderson's most direct love story since “Punch-Drunk Love,” “Phantom Thread” plays out a romance as a dynamic, shifting power struggle. (5 stars)