Don't try these at home

We are endlessly entertained by the creative cocktail names that bartenders spin up behind the stick. Denmark on High, for example, doesn't shy away from politically themed cocktails. Denmark bartender Ty Landrum once concocted the Vimpeachment, a combination of Middle West Spirits' Vim & Petal Gin and peach liqueur. It's designed to be poured over banana cotton candy, which slowly disintegrates. With so many Trump administration scandals available for inspiration, we dreamt up a few cocktails of our own. Don't try these at home.

The Pea Tape Is Real: Green pea-infused vodka with Yellow Chartreuse, served exclusively at Ritz-Carlton properties.

The Ronny Jackson Nightcap: Two Ambien with a High Life chaser.

Dark ‘N' Stormy Daniels: Too easy. Dark rum and ginger beer served with a rolled-up magazine.

Spicey's Shrub Cocktail: Best enjoyed in the bushes while avoiding the media's questions.

Ben's Bottle Service: Served tableside on a $31,000 dining set.

Sey(chelles) Breeze: Vodka, cranberry juice, grapefruit juice and a back channel to the Kremlin.

Missing G & Tree: Remember the time presidents Trump and Macron planted an oak sapling on the White House lawn during the French president's state visit, and the tree disappeared the next day? (It's now under quarantine.) This gin and tonic features Fever-Tree tonic minus the gin.

Executive Time: A Negroni with too much Campari. It's bitter. Very bitter.

The Tom Price Flight: A private sample of 24 overpriced beers. This round's on the taxpayers.

Do Not Congratulate: A White Russian with nerve agent expressed around the rim.

Cohen's Screwdriver: Orange juice and vodka. Every good fixer needs a screwdriver.

Be Best: Just take someone's cocktail recipe and copy it.

Scott Pruitt Jungle Juice: Tastes like drained swamp and enjoyed most by college students with low rent.

Mother Mary: A Bloody Mary only consumed in the presence of your wife and never, ever alone with another woman — no matter who the heck she might be.

There's a Spy in my Drink: Fernet-Branca + Ice

Singapore Summit Sling: It's on the rocks.

The Bobby Mueller: The 2018 version of a Last Word.