Recounting everything You Know Who has stolen from Crew fans

If You Know Who wore a cape, a cap and a pinstripe suit, he'd basically be the Hamburglar. The only way he'd be a worse villain is if he appeared in a “Scooby-Doo” episode.

All of which is to say: You Know Who's latest bonehead move might just be the dumbest and most egregious he's made yet.

As if stealing the Crew weren't enough, You Know Who recently unveiled the name, colors and badge of his Austin MLS franchise. Which, OK. Gotta get farther along that parallel path, right?

But of course, You Know Who decided to roll out these creative assets at the same time as a season-ticket drive for next year's Columbus Crew games (should they, you know, happen in Columbus).

Oh, and also, there was this tiny matter of plagiarism.

You see, Austin FC's logo is kind of a rip-off of a Nordecke tifo from a November playoff game. Or, as Massive Report put it, the badge is a “slap in the face.” Or as Dispatch columnist Michael Arace phrased it, the logo is “yet another kick in the collective crotch of Columbus. It's utterly tone-deaf.”

Accompanying the logo unveil was the traditional marketing gobbledygook about what each design element means. You Know Who practically copied-and-pasted the parts about the bond between club and community from the Crew logo unveiling.

But none of this should be surprising to anyone who's paying attention (I see you, Austin Councilwoman Leslie Pool).

This isn't the first time You Know Who's stolen something. There's surely a Cadillac trunk somewhere stuffed with his loot, not the least of which is our beloved Crew Cat.

In fact, we just got a sneak peek, and packed in there beside Crew Cat are:

A pile of hard hats A few Crewzers The soccer goals that mysteriously disappeared this year from the mini-fields at Mapfre Stadium The 2016 banana kit Crew fans' ability to watch the Crew on TV during the 2014 season The #Crew96 hashtag And the word “the” (it's just Crew SC now, thanks)

And lest we forget, since joining the league, You Know Who's tried to steal Portland Timbers FC owner Merritt Paulson's schtick.

Which also reminds me, and I'll leave you with this: The good thing about slime balls is they rarely stick around. Good riddance, Precourt.