I’m a social media junkie. I love staying connected with friends far and near, seeing photos of their kids and what they are eating for dinner, and ignoring all of their political rants. To the onlooker, this barrage of communication options might seem like too much to handle because if you haven’t yet been assimilated into social media life, you might make the awful mistake of thinking that it's like real life.

It’s not.

But wouldn’t it be funny if it was?

Let’s say you’re taking a trip to the grocery store. Like it or not, the number of people we see at the store is directly related to how poorly we are dressed. You’re in your pajamas, like you might be as if you were scrolling through social media in the comfort of your own home, so you’ll see about a thousand people that you at least semi-know.

You pass the first person you meet and that person shows you a photograph of her new dog that just had puppies. You love puppies. You offer that person a heart, inferring that you love it and say that they are "Sooooooooo cute!" using at least that many O’s.

In the produce aisle, someone you know tells you a joke. It’s really funny, so without saying any actual words, you give a laugh with some tears streaming down your face and walk away without comment. (Later on, someone else you know tells you another joke. It’s funny, but not that funny so you say nothing, barely make eye contact and continue walking.)

Perhaps you’re in the meat department when someone you know starts telling you all about a great recipe that they haven’t tried but heard from someone else. They tell you it really fast and you miss half of it so you ask them to tell it to you again. The recipe sounds pretty good, so you give them a "thumbs up" and then you tell the next person you meet the exact same recipe. Twice. That person gives you a thumbs up and tells the next person they meet. Keep in mind that none of the people in this story have ever made or will ever make this recipe.

Down the next aisle, you see someone who tries to talk to you but you’re not sure you recognize this person, so you completely ignore their pleas to be heard or connect.

Around the corner you find someone you’ve never actually spoken to, but have seen in the store plenty of times. She is extremely sad about something, so you pause without asking, cry a little bit with her, and then keep going.

Near the checkout you find another friend who forgot her coupons at home. She’s talking to anyone who will listen, using all capital letters. You console her by mimicking her angry face.

From there, you’re finished! Before leaving the store, you shout loudly to everyone that your kid got student of the month. Random hearts and thumbs start appearing and you smile, glad you have friends everywhere.