A couple weeks ago, President Obama announced Solicitor General Elena Kagan as his nominee to replace John Paul Stevens on the Supreme Court.

A couple weeks ago, President Obama announced Solicitor General Elena Kagan as his nominee to replace John Paul Stevens on the Supreme Court.

Sophisticated court-watchers like myself had two thoughts upon hearing the news. One, what is Kagan's decision on stare decisis? And two, who?

"She's a total blank slate when it comes to constitutional issues," reported MSNBC.

"She's an unproven entity," said Fox News.

"We don't know much about her record," said CNN.

She's off the grid! She lives in the shadows! She is Darkman! Seriously, do we have any information about this woman?

The best the news outlets could come up with is she's very short, she used to smoke like a chimney, she drinks beer and she plays poker.

Hmm, a short, chimney-smoking, beer-guzzling poker player. I'm sorry, she's not Darkman, she's Danny DeVito.

Because she's never been a judge, we're going to have to scrape for some confirmation controversy. Some kind of "wise Latina" bomb, or a good old-fashioned pubic hair on the Coke can.

"This is a potential nomination that's closer to Harriet Miers," said James Copland on Fox News.

Wait, who's Harriet Miers again? Oh yeah, she's a former Bush crony, nominated to the Supreme Court and then quickly withdrawn. Her name is now synonymous with lack of intellectual heft and reckless nominating. Ouch.

How similar are they?

"The difference between [Kagan] and Miers is Ivy League. That's it," said Bay Buchanan on Larry King.

She's exactly like Miers, except for the dumb part. Just like the only difference between me and Michael Jordan is athletic ability.

So Kagan is Obama's Miers - his Bush-like misstep. That kind of sucks, because he's still recovering from his last Bush-like misstep - the oil spill, aka Obama's Hurricane Katrina.

It's crazy. It's like no matter what happens during the Obama administration, there's the perfect Bush f--- up for the occasion. Health care equals "Obama's Iraq." Goldman Sachs is "Obama's Enron."

The crazy part is, it's conservatives and Republicans who rush to make the comparisons.

Remember the terrible things that Bush did? And we fought for eight years to convince you they weren't bad, but actually good? Well, now we use those very incidents as the low-water mark for your guy.

And they're not just interested in comparing Obama's new problems with Bush's old problems. They're also looking to bequeath all that Bush oversaw, like some kind of cancerous heirloom.

So it's become Obama's deficits, Obama's recession, Obama's war in Afghanistan. These guys treat the country like a sleazy used-car salesman.

Hey, I gotta tell you, this is a beautiful country. Runs like a dream - we've kept it totally tuned for eight years. You're not going to have a problem with it at all.

Oh, you'll take it? Great. It's your piece of s--- now.