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Even as news of Eastern European violence began to spread, Russia maintained that the cease-fire between itself and its former Soviet satellite Georgia continues. If by continues, they mean bomb the s--- out of Georgia.
Just how serious is the situation? Pretty serious - President Bush had been scheduled to leave for his ranch in Crawford, Texas, when the news broke, and he decided to delay his departure for a day or two.
Well, I hope you're happy, Russia. Our president was hoping to get a little brush-clearing R&R in between his trip to the Olympics and football season. Now who's going to clear the brush? His team of professional landscapers? (Umm, yeah, they'll probably do it.)
And you always know the president is pissed off when he starts talking in nonsensical absolutes that he himself would never follow.
"Russia has invaded a sovereign neighboring state and threatens a democratic government elected by its people," Bush declared. "Such an action is unacceptable in the 21st century."
Yeah, Russia is so 20th century. This century is all about preemptive strikes.
Still, Bush sent his lead envoy, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, to the Georgian capital of Tbilisi. I'm sure she has a more nuanced, less stunningly oblivious view of the conflict. Right?
"This is not 1968 and the invasion of Czechoslovakia, where Russia can threaten its neighbors, occupy a capital, overthrow a government and get away with it. Things have changed," Rice said.
Do you guys have any short-term memory? Let's be clear about this. You can't just overthrow a government, occupy a capital, knock over their statues, stack their prisoners, refer to the horrific level of civilian casualties as "birth pains of democracy" ...
Of course, this situation isn't just a dangerous escalation of once-mordant Cold-War hostilities. It's a chance for our presidential nominees to get inside the commander-in-chief simulator and play a little make believe.
Let's check in with the People's Republic of Obamica, population: hope. I wonder what haughty orders the presumptuous one is offering from his Unbelievably Western White House in Hawaii?
"I think it's very important for the United States to work with the U.N. Security Council and others in the international community to make sure that we are beginning to bring this conflict to a close," said Sen. Barack Obama in a speech.
Nice sentiment, but the guy couldn't even be bothered to put on a tie. He looked a little more concerned that his poi was invading his conch salad than that Russia was invading Georgia.
Let's see what the down-to-earth, unpresumptuous, not-arrogant nominee has to say.
"The situation in Georgia remains fluid and dangerous, and as soon as possible, my colleagues Sen. Lieberman and Sen. Graham will traveling ... to Georgia," assured Sen. John McCain.
You're just some freakin' guy, you can't deploy ambassadors! You know what, I've got as much authority as McCain in this situation. I'm going to send over Don Rickles and Jimmie "J.J." Walker. Why not? I mean, Lieberman and Graham? How are Droopy Dog and Howdy Doody gonna do something over there?
Well, you've certainly got the hubris thing down, senator, is there anything else you can say to convince us you're made of presidential timber?
"In the 21st century, nations don't invade other nations," McCain concluded.
You have learned your lesson well, grasshopper.
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