This List is in no way inspired by recent events

Apropos of nothing, we thought we'd rank shitholes from least offensive to most.

La Brea Tar Pits

Natural asphalt seeps from the ground at this prehistoric California locale, a jet-black, oozing hole filled with cool shit like mammoth bones and (very nearly) the ring Macaulay Culkin gifted Anna Chlumsky, for those of you who happened to peep “My Girl 2.”


I've never seen this 2003 Disney film, but it's got a strong cast (Sigourney Weaver, Tim Blake Nelson, Jon Voight, uh, Shia LaBeouf) and it pulled down a 78 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Not shitty!

Black holes

Stop consuming matter, fella.

Doughnut holes

I'm not a fan of doughnuts (don't @ me), so it should go without saying that I'm not a fan of doughnut holes, either. Keep your baking refuse, you monsters.

Lightning Sand

Like quicksand but faster, this “The Princess Bride” creation at least proved effective in dealing with a R.O.U.S. attack. (That'd be Rodents of Unusual Size.)

Portable toilets

Entering a portable toilet on the final day of any festival/event can be a Dante-worthy task.

The Great Pit of Carkoon

In “Star Wars,” this gaping, fanged pit, located in the Dune Sea of Tatooine, was home to the fearsome, tentacled sarlacc, a carnivorous creature that very nearly got a taste of future men's-rights-activist-flashpoint Luke Skywalker.

Browns Stadium

0-16, my dudes.


Yes, driving in Ohio in the winter can suck, but it can be even worse during the spring thaw, which can open up potholes big enough to swallow a Nissan Versa whole.

The comment section

Don't read the comments is generally good advice, particularly on Fox News stories or on YouTube, which deserves more scorn than it gets for breeding a generation of shit-heel YouTube “stars” such as PewDiePie and lunkhead brothers Jake and Logan Paul.


The gaudy, Trump-owned resort in Palm Beach, Florida, has gradually become one of the centers of the political universe, in that the president frequently slips away there to golf, hobnob with wealthy club members and, on occasion, hold meetings of global consequence in front of smartphone-wielding diners (see: the North Korea missile incident of February 2017). Even so, a recent inspection cited the resort for maintenance violations including broken staircases and improper food storage. Sounds like a real shithole to me.