With Orange Soda Fest taking place Saturday, Aug. 3, we're throwing unlimited shade at Pepsi

Unranked: Pepsi

You’ve undoubtedly been part of this exchange in a restaurant: “Can I have a Coke?” “Is Pepsi OK?” No. It’s never OK. It’s like someone asking you for change for a dollar and you giving them 37 cents. And, yes, I realize some of you actually believe that you like Pepsi, but isn’t it more likely that you’re just anti-carbonation, because Pepsi always, always tastes flat as hell.

Unranked: Mountain Dew/Mountain Dew: Code Red

The official beverage of Gamergate, Mountain Dew and its sickly offspring Code Red should be avoided at all costs.

Honorable mention: Wild Cherry Pepsi

While original Pepsi is over-sweet, undrinkable, syrupy swill, Wild Cherry Pepsi is weirdly one of the better cherry sodas around. It’s confounding.

10. Orangina

OK, so maybe this choice is a little… I don’t know, European? But Orangina is maybe the most refreshing beverage on this list (outside of 7 Up, but more on that later) and it’s legit delicious. You’ll almost never find it in restaurants, but it turns up regularly in gas stations, making it a road trip go-to.

9. Diet Coke

Diet Coke has become a go-to when I want a soda, though it’s less about taste than satisfying a small fraction of that soda/caffeine craving while pretending to be more mindful of my health: If I stick with these, someday I’ll surely have abs.

8. Orange Crush

Decent R.E.M. song, better beverage.

7. Sprite

I’m probably overrating Sprite slightly due to its affiliation with Akron’s own LeBron James, who went to my high school, St. Vincent-St. Mary, which I’ll inevitably mention if we’re ever talking basketball together at the same party, which we assuredly never will. (I’m aged and haven’t been to a party in yeeeaaaars.)

6. Dr. Pepper

It still blows my mind that Dr. Pepper includes 23 flavors and tastes approximately like none of them. (Dr. Pepper keeps the info tightly guarded, but at least one internet community speculates that they include: amaretto, almond, blackberry, black licorice, carrot, clove, cherry, caramel, cola, ginger, juniper, lemon, molasses, nutmeg, orange, prune, plum, pepper, root beer, rum, raspberry, tomato (?) and vanilla.)

5. Barq’s Root Beer

It really does have bite. Sometimes advertising doesn’t lie.

4. 7 Up

As mentioned above, 7 Up is easily the most refreshing beverage, which made it a go-to hangover treatment in my college years.

3. Coca-Cola

This year, Coca-Cola briefly revived New Coke thanks to “Stranger Things,” making the still-reviled 1985 flop available in limited quantities in some markets. The nod to that fiasco yet again reminds why the original Coke is considered such a classic.

2. Schweppes Ginger Ale

Hands-down the best ginger ale, and a handy curative for any stomach bug, according to America’s parents.

1. Jarritos Pineapple

If your taco truck serves this, you get major bonus points.