Damn you, Ohio State

Overnight, news broke that *he Ohio State University (we’re not typing it here, folks) had filed a trademark on the word “THE,” with the intent to use it on merchandise. (Because who wouldn’t want a scarlet-and-gray tank top emblazoned with nothing more than THE?) With that in mind, we’re ranking the articles in the order in which we wish we had applied for trademarks.

3. An

It’s the least-popular article for a reason, even though it does earn points for including the first half of my name.

2. A

I mean, the “A” has been our logo for years, so it’s a natural fit for an Alive trademark. Also, I could tell people that it’s short for Andy, which is an extra win for this guy, at least.

1. The

Confession: We generally hate when people call us “THE” Alive. It's a little... I don't know, presumptuous? Arrogant? At the same time, it would have been worth any lingering frustration to scoop the trademark ahead of OSU. And, hey, maybe longer term we could have worked out a deal where we allowed the university use of the THE word in exchange for the annual funds needed to get a print weekly back on newsstands.